Chester New Matter 1st Quarter 2017 - 10

The Blank Page

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"No Good
Deed Goes
Unpunished"
By Mark Blank, Jr., Esquire

N

otice the quotation marks, because this title is
not my innovation. But it may as well be. Read
on. Some time in the 1990s, I represented P. in his
bankruptcy. Some years later, he married KAL, and in 2004
I did a bankruptcy for both of them. KAL had a daughter
from a previous man and she and P. had two daughters
together. P. had a serious substance abuse addiction (both
alcohol and drugs) and subsequently he died. After that, KAL
had a number of run-ins with the law and did prison time
for repeated DUI offenses and probation violations. KAL
had an alcohol problem of her own as well as mental health
difficulties. Her problems were worsened by virtue of the
custody arrangement in which her former mother-in-law had
primary custody of her two younger daughters.
Over the course of the years, I counseled KAL (at no charge,
of course). Ok, so far so good. But then she got into a scuffle
with her landlord and the police were called. Both were
charged with summary offenses. The landlord pleaded guilty
and paid the fine. On my advice (largely because of her past
record), I encouraged KAL to plead not guilty, and I agreed to
defend her pro bono at the trial. The day before the hearing, I
took sick for the fourth time in a few months from a nasal (or
"sinus") infection. On the morning of the hearing, all in my
family encouraged me to go to the doctor. I responded that I
could not, because I had to be in court at 2:00 P.M.; I promised
that I would go see the doctor the next day.
So I went into court to defend KAL. I had fever; I ached
from head to toe: I was coughing, sneezing, sweating, etc., etc.,

10 | New Matter

etc.; I had a sore throat; my ears ached; and I felt miserable.
The hearing began and I moved for a dismissal, which was
denied. I put KAL on the witness stand and, at the conclusion
of the trial, she was found not guilty.
Less than a week later, I received a call from KAL. I was not
in, so she left a message, the substance of which follows: "Both
the officer and I smelled booze [sic] on your breath. I know
you represented me pro bono, but I am disappointed anyway."
She also implied that it was her idea to take the witness stand,
not mine, and that she would have done better if she had
represented herself without me. (Actually, from her message,
I was not sure whether she understood that she was found not
guilty). So I called her back, told her about my illness. And I
informed her that if she sensed anything, it was cough drops.
[To the reader: I did not consume alcohol any time prior to the
hearing.]
By the way, for those readers who are old enough to
remember when there were no advantages in waiving a DUI
preliminary hearing, you recall that we cross examined the
arresting officer. "Officer, are you sure that you smelled alcohol
on his [or her] breath? Officer: "yes". "Could it have been
cough medicine or cough drops?" Well, if the bloodhounds
sniffed anything, it was cough medicine and cough drops, both
of which I took before the hearing so that I would not cough,
wheeze and sneeze my way through the trial.
After I explained all of this to KAL, she told me that a
detective said that he heard that her lawyer went to court
drunk. I queried, who was the detective? Then she hung up
on me.
Maybe it is time to retire (see: New Matter, Spring, 2016 "The
Blank Page"); then maybe I can perform some good deeds and
not be scorned for them.
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Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Chester New Matter 1st Quarter 2017
