Canadian Yachting May 2015 - (Page 78)
CROSSING THE LINE
By John Morris
Boating, Part 6:
Explaining Sailing to Powerboaters
For many powerboat owners, the world of sailing is a complete
mystery. After all, if god had meant boats to be powered by wind,
why would she have invented the stern drive?
The questions you have always wanted to ask sailors are summarized below.
Q: At 6 mph - Why would you bother?
A: You've heard the expression 'getting there is half the fun.'
Well, the extrapolation is straightforward, the slower you go, the
greater proportion of fun. Therefore sailing from point A to
Point B versus simply going replaces a 'trip' with an 'experience.'
Getting there is 95% of the fun. Or so you are meant to believe.
Q: How do sails work?
A: When heated by the sun, the triangular sails create a vaccuum.
The vaccuum is filled by the Bernouli principal, the boat's angle
of attack between the keel and the sail create a moment of force
as illustrated by these vectors, providing velocity at a pre-calculated angle to the mean wind direction. Oh, never mind.
Q: Why do sailboats have motors anyhow?
A: First, a little history. Sailing vessels have not always had
engines; many had slaves to row when they were becalmed. For
the Vikings, having those galley slaves necessitated feeding them
and thus was born the all-you-can-eat midnight smorgasbord.
Later still, they also needed to be entertained and the Shania
Twain Revue on D-Deck was created and the Duty Free Tory
Burch leathergoods shop. Pretty soon this mutated into the
Norwegian Princess leaving sailboaters to fend for themselves.
Fortunately, the finicky single cyclinder diesel was invented and
sailors have attempted to make them function ever since.
Q: Do all sailors drive Volvos?
Consider the Moth class, an 11-foot, cat rigged, Aussie invented dinghy with hydrofoils capable of 30 knots. OK, on the
other hand; a Malibu runabout, capable of 32 knots. So sailboats can go as fast as power boats as you can see from Figure
A above, but may not be able to get the same quality of dates.
A: Traditionally the Tilley hat and the faded mustard colour
Volvo wagon were sure signs that you were a sailor. Soon, even
sailors felt this was too geeky so they grew beards and wore flannel shirts. This style has now been appropriated by Brooklyn
hipsters, so for this summer the sailing community has
embraced neon spandex shorts and tri-cornered hats so they can
better fit into the marina environment.
Q: Can you have sex on a sailboat?
Q: What happens when there's no wind.
A: There are two recorded incidents of actually having sex on a
sailboat. In one case, Renaldo Cuthbertson snuck his lovely
sweetheart Suzie into his uncle's boatbuilding shed and the
young couple celebrated their newfound romance on a recently
completed boat deck adjacent to a bale of fiberglass batting.
Suzie developed an extraordinary rash as a result and to this day
hasn't said a kind word about Renaldo.
On another occasion, a young couple sailing a 24-foot Shark
were attempting to spend weekend on their new boat. They
were nestled into the compact Vee-berth at anchor when an aluminum bass boat went by and the resulting wake bounced the
Shark quite noticeably and in the very confined veeberth...well, anyhow.
A: Racing is an addiction for many sail owners. The principal is
simple enough - you start at a fixed mark, spend several frustrating hours racing between that mark and another distant mark
finally ending up back where you started having accomplished -
well what exactly have you accomplished? Then you have a beer.
When there is no wind, this process is shortened to the delight
of all concerned, who are basically only in it for the beer.
Canadi an Yachti ng
Q: Wouldn't you really rather have a powerboat?
Go figure *
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Canadian Yachting May 2015
Vantage Point: Fuelling your dreams
Waterfront: CPS Boating Tools on Video, Sneak Peeks at New models launching, Trent Severn Rideau Waterway update and much more...
Club Profile: Vancouver Rowing Club
Feature: Sharon Green: Sailing Photographer
Destination: Ghost Lake
Destination: Georgian Bay Six-pack
Destination: New York Canals
Power Review: Beneteau GT 35
Crossing the Line: Explaining Sailing to Powerboaters
Canadian Yachting May 2015