Contemporary Sexuality - December 2008 - (Page 8)

Book Reviews continued from page 7 The authors, for the most part, do a great job of not pronouncing judgment. Rather, as reporters, they simply present their findings and ask well- known sexologists to comment on them. — “Alex” Caroline Robboy are not discussed. There are a few points in the text where Chernin sketchily presents issues around gender and the effect of masculine socialization on gay partnerships. Given more explanation, a gay man may gain deeper insight into the gendered difficulties that can occur in an intimate relationship with another man. There are tools to help the reader address power, control, communication and dynamics within his relationship. They generally read like heterosexual couples therapy exercises with the pronouns changed appropriately. The bibliography is weak with only eight suggested titles and nine organizations to check out for further information. A good Google search would net a better list of references and sources. Chernin effectively adopts a professional, authoritative, yet conversational tone, and mostly avoids jargon. He has difficulty with this in the relationship dynamics section, where he falters a bit and the language gets somewhat denser. I recommend this book as a useful introduction for a general audience. It may have been even more effective if Chernin had taken more time and given more space to some of the complex subjects he tackles. Joseph Policarpio, MSW, LMSW, is a therapist. He can be reached at jpolicarpiolmsw@ aol.com. ——— He’s Just Not Up for It Anymore: Why Men Stop Having Sex and What You Can Do about It Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz. HarperCollins, 2008. Hardcover. $24.95. Are your clients in one of the 20 million heterosexual marriages in the United States lacking physical passion? Do they engage in sexual intercourse less than 10 times a year? Does the husband seem to be disinterested in sexual intercourse? If so, the information gathered in He’s Just Not Up for It Anymore will serve as a wonderful companion to sex therapy. It dispels the myth that, “men are always interested in sex,” and shows both men and women that they are not alone in struggling with this problem. Bob Berkowitz and his wife, Susan YagerBerkowitz, both veteran writers, are the marriage experts on www.thirdage.com. In this new book, they tackle the questions of why men stop having sex and what their partners can do about it. The book is divided into three sections. First, The Sexless Husband, outlines both men’s and women’s perspectives of why the sex stopped and why the men shut down. The second section, Inside the Sexless Man’s Mind, is an in-depth exploration of all the dynamics between couples that lead towards a sexless marriage. The last section, What Couples are Doing about It, explores how couples are grappling with the problem. Although this book is based on data that may be biased by the self-selected population of 4,000 survey responders, it nevertheless includes a range of perspectives of the causes and life changes that lead men to lose interest in sex. The authors, for the most part, do a great job of not pronouncing judgment. Rather, as reporters, they simply present their findings and ask wellknown sexologists to comment on them. This book is ideal for couples struggling to understand why the sex has ceased in their marriage. The authors present a wide range of possibilities and discuss each of them individually. They push both men and women to take responsibility for their own behaviors and its impact on their marriage. This book separates the survey results by gender, thus highlighting the differences in how men and women perceive the same behaviors. Another strength of this book is that most of the information gathered comes from the very people grappling with the issues. Couples who are looking for a deeper psychological perspective from which to understand their situation may be disappointed. The book is written from the perspective of an observer, reporting the results of a survey, as opposed to a therapist who might link the causes of the problem to a psychological or cultural framework. Furthermore, couples hoping to identify specific conversation starters, or actual sexual techniques to alter the sexless marriage will be disappointed. That information is not covered. Because alternative lifestyles and the impact of sex addiction on one’s personal relationships are minimally addressed, this book will not be helpful for individuals or couples who engage in BDSM, open marriages, or struggle with a sex addiction. For the majority of couples who are engaged in monogamous heterosexual marriages, however, this book should prove to be a valuable resource. “Alex” Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, LCSW, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist. She can be reached at alexrobboy@yahoo.com. ——— Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage By Jenny Block. Seal Press, 2008. 276 pages. Hardcover, $24.95. Jenny Block and her husband have found a form of open marriage that is satisfying to them as individuals and strengthens them as a couple. In her 8 Contemporary Sexuality www.aasect.org | December 2008 Vol. 42, No. 12 http://www.thirdage.com http://www.aasect.org

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Contemporary Sexuality - December 2008

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