Contemporary Sexuality - December 2008 - (Page 9)

book, Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage, Block encourages her readers to embrace the concept of open marriage and to appreciate the freedom, honesty, and stability which such polyamorous relationships may allow. Throughout this book, she alternates between the personal and the political as she discusses her life story, politics, feminism, and the history of monogamy and women’s roles in relationship. The book contains some good descriptions of life in an open marriage. Block does a very nice job of answering the question “why stay married?” as she explains that her marriage to her husband is about love, security, building a life, having a home, and raising a child. Her other relationships provide romance, passion, and the opportunity to express her bisexuality. She also writes well about parenting and maintaining a traditional home for her daughter. Block works to portray herself as the mom-next-door and the defensive tone of much of the book seems to be directed at her more conservative neighbors. If I was a bisexual woman trapped in a sexually frustrating marriage, I might be relieved to read this book. Perhaps it would open my mind to possibilities that I had not considered. It would surely give me support as I read about someone who shared my feelings and found a courageous solution. The book is easy to read and the voice is distinctly female. There is a focus on the oppression of women as they are stuck in and stifled by traditional relationship expectations. There is also great detail about Block’s feelings and her relationships, which made me wonder how this book would read to a man. Many men feel the need for a more flexible relationship structure, and perhaps they will find the female perspective informative. I am sure that my male clients who read the book will give me feedback about this. As a therapist who specializes in working with people in alternative lifestyles, I would recommend this book to select clients who are exploring open relationships. It is also a good book for therapists who would like to be better educated about open marriage. Block cites many outside sources and gives a list of resources for those interested in more information on the topic of open marriage and polyamory. Katherine Rachlin is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in private practice in New York City. She can be reached at krachlin@aol.com. ——— The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography By Wendy Maltz and Larry Maltz. Harper Collins, 2008. 288 pages. Hardcover, $24.95. The Porn Trap, as the title suggests, is a self-help book for those whose use of pornography is interfering with their lives, not an objective examination of the uses and abuses of explicit sexual materials. While professionals debate over what to call and how best to treat problematic pornography use, many individuals experience it as an “addiction.” Sex therapists Wendy and Larry Maltz wrote this book to help them. The book goes something like this: the first half describes how bad porn is, often raising quite valid points about misogyny, unrealistic body representations and false information about sexuality present in porn. The authors cite pornography statistics and various research studies to support their viewpoint of the porn user as victimized by the inherently addictive quality of explicit material (these references are available on their website, though I was not able to verify some of the points made). This section also uses composite stories to illustrate the harm caused by viewing sexually explicit material. The vast majority of these examples are heterosexual, as are all gender references to partners. While continuing to remind us about the problem, part two of the book addresses motivation for change, action steps, preventing relapse, and developing “healthy sexuality” patterns combining sensate focus work with communication, love, and intimacy exercises. Readers will find that the authors’ brand of healthy sexuality either fits their experience and values, or grates abrasively against them. The authors’ alternative to unhealthy porn addiction is a sex-is-redeemedby-monogamous, committed-love version that allows little room for sex to be hot or fun. While this is great if couples can attain it, this ideal risks an abstinence violation effect that may derail some folks with porn problems. The bottom line: For readers who feel addicted to porn, The Porn Trap can be a useful tool in beginning a process of altering, self-defeating patterns of behavior. It could be used by clinicians to help clients realize they are not the only ones struggling with porn. It raises valid problems with the dominant voice in the porn industry, and it continued on page 10 If I was a bisexual woman trapped in a sexually frustrating marriage, I might be relieved to read this book. Perhaps it would open my mind to possibilities that I had not considered. — Kathleen Rachlin December 2008 Vol. 42, No. 12 | www.aasect.org Contemporary Sexuality 9 http://www.aasect.org

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Contemporary Sexuality - December 2008

Contemporary Sexuality - December 2008 Contents Member Profile Book Reviews News of Members Quck Hits: Sex in the News Educational Opportunities

Contemporary Sexuality - December 2008

For optimal viewing of this digital publication, please enable JavaScript and then refresh the page. If you would like to try to load the digital publication without using Flash Player detection, please click here.