Monitor on Psychology - October 2011 - (Page 52)

“We teach a little relaxation imagery and we help people learn to take breaks where they are apart from each other at least 20 to 30 minutes ... and not spend that time thinking of a great comeback statement.” JOHN GOTTMAN The Gottman Institute Happily married couples, in contrast, use several conflict management techniques, the Gottmans have found. For instance, when starting a difficult conversation, relationship masters tend to open gently, keeping the focus on their own feelings rather than attacking one another. So, rather than saying, “I’m mad you didn’t take out the garbage” or, “You’re such a slob, you disgust me,” they say, “I’m upset the garbage hasn’t been taken out,” said Julie Gottman. To teach expectant parents this skill, another workshop exercise asks participants to translate 14 accusatory statements into more positive formats — turning, for example, the statement “You think you’re so cute! Stop flirting with other people” into “I’m feeling insecure about the party tonight. and less time with paperwork! O Would you stay with me through most of it?” Despite couples’ best efforts, of course, conflicts will sometimes get heated. So the Gottmans also teach expectant couples that when their pulse zooms and their blood pressure spikes, they’re no longer capable of discussing issues rationally or empathizing with their partners. When you become flooded with emotion, it’s time to turn inward and try to soothe yourself, said John Gottman. “We teach a little relaxation imagery and we help people learn to take breaks where they are apart from each other at least 20 to 30 minutes ... and not spend that time thinking of a great comeback statement,” he said. To strengthen the third component of happy relationships, shared meaning, the Gottmans encourage couples to develop connection rituals — such as eating dinner together and family play time. These activities help couples develop a sense of mutual purpose on a daily basis, said John Gottman. Workshop participants also learn to ask one another about their larger life goals, and brainstorm ways to help one another Helper software delivers: realize them. “In strong relationships, partners • Easy-to-use billing and scheduling features designed for support each other and honor their psychologists in private or small group practice partner’s goals and values and dreams,” • Quicker reimbursements with electronic claims he said. • Comprehensive Electronic Medical Record These techniques, however, may not be limited to helping expectant parents. • Access to discounted online Continuing Education Units Research described in additional in-press papers suggests that they can improve marriages in crisis, decrease incidence Visit www.helper.com/APA for a of domestic violence and improve special APA Monitor promotional price! relationships among members of the Call us at: 1.800.343.5737 armed services and their spouses, John Gottman said. “We haven’t solved all relationship er expires December 31, 2011 problems, but we have several studies showing this [therapy] is effective,” he said. n Spend more time helping people APA_Monitor_ad_7_11.indd 1 52 7/25/2011 12:18:49 PM MONITOR ON PSYCHOLOGY • OCTOBER 2011 http://www.helper.com/APA http://www.helper.com/APA

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Monitor on Psychology - October 2011

Monitor on Psychology - October 2011
President’s Column
Subtle and stunning slights
Contents
From the CEO
Live science on the showroom floor
Zimbardo re-examines his landmark study
Ready, set, mentor
Attention students and ECPs: Self-care is an ‘ethical imperative’
Suicide risk is high among war veterans in college, study finds
Psychotherapy is effective and here’s why
From toilet to tap: getting people to drink recycled water
What’s ahead for psychology practice?
A push for more accountability is changing the accreditation process
Peer, parental support prove key to fighting childhood obesity
Popular media’s message to girls
Bullying may contribute to lower test scores
A consequence of cuckoldry: More (and better) sex?
Manatees’ exquisite sense of touch may lead them into dangerous waters
Building a better tomato
How will China’s only children care for their aging parents?
‘Spice’ and ‘K2’: New drugs of abuse now on the market
Many suspects don’t understand their right to remain silent
In Brief
Boosting minority achievement
Where’s the progress?
And social justice for all
Helping new Americans find their way
Segregation’s ongoing legacy
A new way to combat prejudice
Retraining the biased brain
Suppressing the ‘white bears’
How to eat better — mindlessly
Protect your aging brain
Must babies always breed marital discontent?
Outing addiction
Flourish 2051
The danger of stimulants
Keys to making integrated care work
Is technology ruining our kids?
Facebook: Friend or foe?
The promise of Web 3.0
NIMH invests in IT enhanced interventions
Science Directions
Science Directions
PsycAdvocates work to safeguard key programs
The psychology of spending cuts
APA’s strategic plan goes live
Visionary leaders
Bravo!
Vote on bylaws amendments

Monitor on Psychology - October 2011