Columbia Home & Lifestyle - January/February 2009 - (Page 16) etiquette ur yo ind M By Elizabeth Kraatz Photos by Jennifer Market 1 Manners 3 ˝I have a booger in my nose.” Oh dear. Who can't empathize with the plight of my 3 year old when faced with a new and somewhat threatening situation? Haven't we all had those moments when our minds go utterly blank, and we blurt out the first thing that comes into our heads? Nothing can magically protect us from doing or saying something embarrassing at some time in the future, but good manners provide us with the tools to recover gracefully. That's the whole point of etiquette; isn't it? Manners help us navigate the sometimes stressful waters of social life. So I was thrilled when my children's Fortnightly Club Playgroup was being hosted by Kari Utterback and Tara Gray. Kari and Tara are etiquette coaches, trained and certified by the Etiquette Institute in St Louis. They have more experience coaching university students and staff through the finer points of etiquette, but they seemed equally adept at home guiding a group of preschoolers. The children gathered around the dining table to rehearse proper dinnertime behavior from start (standing up straight) to finish (writing a prompt thank you note). In between, they practiced sitting down properly, putting their napkins in their laps, learning the correct use of knives and forks (fairly mystifying to the 1 year olds in the group), complimenting the hostess and putting their silverware into a resting position while pausing and in the finished position before asking to be excused from the table. Seems pretty straightforward, doesn't it? If you think so, then you have never wrestled with the etiquette quandaries that confront the parents of young children. Is it a breach of manners to bring a favorite toy car to the table, for example? (No, not if it's a simple toy that will make the child feel comfortable at the table and will help him sit quietly while the adults talk to one another). What do you do when your child says something perfectly innocent, but still embarrassing to the parents, such as "I don't really care for this food?" (You apologize to the host, along with a comment about good manners being a work in progress for small children). Manners are a work in progress, of course, and the primary way children acquire a solid foundation in manners is the same way they master most other skills—by watching and listening to how their parents and the other adults in their lives behave. But Kari Utterback and Tara Gray's coaching session with our playgroup seemed to have given this slow process of modeling a boost. My own two children are more aware of good manners and ask about how to handle various situations ("Would a princess use a fork to eat her toast?" for example). Young children are alert to all sorts of cues about how to behave and actively seek out rules and guidance. 16 january/february 2009 4
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