Chicago Special Parent Magazine 2008

COPING Could this be me? When disability awareness hits home very year as I present disability awareness programs, I hear comments from elementary school students who are discovering their own differences. For those students who haven’t had a conversation with an adult about their special needs, this can be the beginning of a very powerful and very positive experience. But for those students’ parents, this is uncharted territory. As the mother of two boys with special needs, I too was afraid to confront our family’s reality, making it even harder for me to discuss it with my kids. But as a clinical social worker, I was keenly aware that children benefit from understanding their own struggles. “Parents need to become educated and empowered in order to educate and empower their child,” says child psychiatrist Dr. Jonathon Bloomberg of The Bloomberg Institute in Northbrook. This is why parents must first examine their own feelings and beliefs about having a child with a disability before they talk about it with their child. BY MARLA DAVISHOFF E Recognizing the need to talk Once parents recognize their child is ready to talk about his disability, they need to figure out what their child can understand. If parents are unsure about what their child is ready to hear, talking to a trusted teacher, speech therapist, physician or counselor can help. Focus on symptoms, not on labels, says Dr. Bob Davenport, a clinical psychologist with North Shore Consultation Center. “Symptoms not only communicate more accurate information to children but can also equip them with the language necessary to advocate for themselves,” Davenport says. For example, a child who may have difficulty paying attention can use this information with his peers. Saying, “I have trouble following directions sometimes. Do you mind repeating them?” is more effective than telling them, “I have ADHD.” This is especially true if a child doesn’t have all the classic symptoms of a particular diagnosis, even though he’s been labeled as such. For the child who expresses readiness to understand a label, the parents may want to first practice saying the diagnosis to a friend or in front of a mirror. This will help increase their comfort with the terminology and aid them in presenting neutral it in a neutral n manner. Also, having appropriate print and media resources available can help the child process the information better and show that he is not alone. Another benefit of talking about a diagnosis is that children can attribute their problems to a concrete medical condition instead of blaming themselves. Identifying strengths Whether discussing symptoms or labels, it is important to make sure children realize that their differences are only a part of who they are rather than their defining characteristic. One way to do this is to identify their strengths, not just their weaknesses. “Everyone has something to feel special about. We need to not only help these children find those qualities but also to use them to promote positive self-esteem,” Davenport says. Kids are more aware today than they were 20 years ago. They become saturated with information about their disabilities, whether they are ready for i or not. Our respon ibility it or not. Our responsibility as parents is respons simple—to help our kids make sense of their own experiences and the information they absorb. Marla Davishoff is a licensed clinical social worker living with her husband and two sons. ChicagoParent.com | Specıal Parent 2008 CHICAGO | 47 http://ChicagoParent.com

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Chicago Special Parent Magazine 2008

Chicago Special Parent Magazine 2008 Contents In Our Shoes Of Mothers and Mission Control A Love Story Keeping the Whole Family Well What Do I Do? Resources God's Special Child Our Kids Inspirations

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