Chicago Special Parent Magazine 2008

MY LIFE God’s special child A mother’s view of her son with autism BY SHEILA WEBSTER-HEARD S hifting uncomfortably, I sat in my son’s individualized education plan meeting trying hard to conquer fatigue. I was near tears and trying desperately to project an appearance of strength. My very first question of the meeting was, “What are Darius’ strengths?” In complete silence sat the principal, the psychologist, the speech therapist and her assistant, along with Darius’ teacher, the case worker and the occupational therapist. My 7-year-old autistic son had been in their presence six hours a day for a little over a month and none of them was able to think of anything good to say about him. Their obvious displeasure showed on their faces and I could feel my confidence waning. What was I thinking, coming to this meeting without an advocate, I wondered. I thought they understood when I explained that my child was regressing and his severe behavior was agonizing to me as well. However, to the team of individuals who sat around the table frowning, my efforts were unimpressive. My soul aches for those who are scared off by Darius’ autism and will never know that he is creative, intelligent and affectionate. “Well he has a nice smile,” the speech therapist offered. I chuckled at her nice gesture, but no one else did. I knew from that point forward I would spend the rest of my time wondering if we had done the right thing by moving out of our public school district to place him in a “better” school district. I knew I would be tormented daily as I relinquished my child to the bus aide and school bus driver, who would then deliver him to the same group with whom I was sitting. Ironically, I had fought hard to get Darius into the school, where I could be certain the teachers were trained and equipped to handle the challenging behaviors that many autistic children exhibit. Now, I was clearly confused. Darius isn’t a monster. He is a child who has been afflicted with a developmental disability. It isn’t his fault he has a problem with change and that he throws a severe tantrum if he has to wait too long. Darius didn’t decide that he would scream to communicate his wants and needs. Autism causes Darius’ communication deficiencies and its symptoms were causing the problem, not Darius. As each attendee commented on Darius’ shortcomings and behavioral issues, I couldn’t help but think of the child I knew. On the inside, I smiled and thought, too bad none of them has ever seen Darius during the summer when we take him to the park. On those days, he’s grinning and giggling; his long legs are taking even longer strides, his arms are outstretched as if he’s trying to capture the rays of the sun. My soul aches for those who are scared off by Darius’ autism and will never know that he is creative, intelligent and affectionate. Pain will always resurface when other people’s looks pierce me to the core. But the one thing that will always give me solace is that I know there are plenty of wonderful things about Darius. The most important: he is one of God’s special children. Sheila Webster-Heard is a freelance writer and the mother of two sons who are on the autism spectrum. She lives in Calumet City with her husband and three children. Excerpt printed with permission from Voices of Autism The Healing Companion: Stories for Courage, Comfort and Strength, $16.95, www.lachancepublishing.com. ChicagoParent.com | Specıal Parent 2008 CHICAGO | 61 http://www.lachancepublishing.com http://ChicagoParent.com

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Chicago Special Parent Magazine 2008

Chicago Special Parent Magazine 2008 Contents In Our Shoes Of Mothers and Mission Control A Love Story Keeping the Whole Family Well What Do I Do? Resources God's Special Child Our Kids Inspirations

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