Clean Run - December 2017 - 20

Dress for
the Stress
By Laura Hartwick, illustrations by author

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a dog agility competitor in possession of a good dog must be in want of an
excellent capsule wardrobe that mixes and matches based on
weather conditions and dog personality disorders. A capsule
collection limits you to 37, give or take a halter top or two,
most excellent mix and match articles of clothing that feel
like jammies, come in your favorite colors, facilitate extra fast
running, and make your midsection look fine. Say it like this.
F-i-i-i-i-n-e. There are no muffin top lumpy bits in the wellconstructed capsule wardrobe.
Kind of like tiny houses and Japanese de-cluttering, having
fewer clothes is either clearing out space in life for more time
to spend with dogs or is just quantifying what loads of us have
known all along. The not wealthy have smaller houses and
less stuff. Either way, we'll call
it simplifying. Which isn't a bad
thing since time seems to fly by
at ocean crossing missile speeds
these days. A capsule wardrobe
requires no brain cells at dark
o'clock of getting dressed, so
brain cells have the golden opportunity to stay relegated to
much more stimulating topics
like fixing weird dispositional
quirks of dogs.You just reach in
the drawer, grab the first thing
on top of the stack, and you're
guaranteed to look and feel fantastic. Just like how we want our
dogs to feel. It's what every busy
dog trainer needs, not to worry
about what to wear, but simultaneously not to look like a Crocs20

footed, mismatched psychopath strolling down the street in a
little number both inside out and backwards, with visible mud
prints and a tear in the sleeve the shape of dog teeth.
It's also a truth universally acknowledged that everybody's
stressed out these days. Did you already mutter how you're
"So stressed out" today? Truer words never spoken. Isn't this
one of the reasons we have dogs? Walking the dogs. Playing
with the dogs. Petting the dogs. All the "ings" of having dogs
are purported to lower cortisol levels as a healthier alternative to overeating massive amounts of sheet cake or having an
opioid crisis.
Except that now the dogs are stressed out, too. It's supposed to
be exactly the opposite, dog agility causing prancing around proclaiming, "I feel great! I feel amazing! Like a true patriot/anarchist/
happy squirrel!" while the dogs
are earnestly slobbering and wagging their tails and flying off the
start lines with ease. After calmly
staying in place.
Instead, there are the dogs who
come to the start line and fade
and go flat. Their bubbly effervescence fizzles like a sugary death
drink left out to congeal in the
sun. A lazy "S" of wrongness vapor visibly leaking out their ears
whispers, "I've had enough. Get
me off this start line. Get me out
of this dog show. Get me to a
beach or a couch or anywhere
but here."

Clean Run | December 17



Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Clean Run - December 2017

Contents
Clean Run - December 2017 - Cover1
Clean Run - December 2017 - Cover2
Clean Run - December 2017 - Contents
Clean Run - December 2017 - 4
Clean Run - December 2017 - 5
Clean Run - December 2017 - 6
Clean Run - December 2017 - 7
Clean Run - December 2017 - 8
Clean Run - December 2017 - 9
Clean Run - December 2017 - 10
Clean Run - December 2017 - 11
Clean Run - December 2017 - 12
Clean Run - December 2017 - 13
Clean Run - December 2017 - 14
Clean Run - December 2017 - 15
Clean Run - December 2017 - 16
Clean Run - December 2017 - 17
Clean Run - December 2017 - 18
Clean Run - December 2017 - 19
Clean Run - December 2017 - 20
Clean Run - December 2017 - 21
Clean Run - December 2017 - 22
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Clean Run - December 2017 - 25
Clean Run - December 2017 - 26
Clean Run - December 2017 - 27
Clean Run - December 2017 - 28
Clean Run - December 2017 - 29
Clean Run - December 2017 - 30
Clean Run - December 2017 - 31
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Clean Run - December 2017 - 33
Clean Run - December 2017 - 34
Clean Run - December 2017 - 35
Clean Run - December 2017 - 36
Clean Run - December 2017 - 37
Clean Run - December 2017 - 38
Clean Run - December 2017 - 39
Clean Run - December 2017 - 40
Clean Run - December 2017 - 41
Clean Run - December 2017 - 42
Clean Run - December 2017 - 43
Clean Run - December 2017 - 44
Clean Run - December 2017 - 45
Clean Run - December 2017 - 46
Clean Run - December 2017 - 47
Clean Run - December 2017 - 48
Clean Run - December 2017 - 49
Clean Run - December 2017 - 50
Clean Run - December 2017 - 51
Clean Run - December 2017 - 52
Clean Run - December 2017 - 53
Clean Run - December 2017 - 54
Clean Run - December 2017 - 55
Clean Run - December 2017 - 56
Clean Run - December 2017 - 57
Clean Run - December 2017 - 58
Clean Run - December 2017 - 59
Clean Run - December 2017 - 60
Clean Run - December 2017 - 61
Clean Run - December 2017 - 62
Clean Run - December 2017 - 63
Clean Run - December 2017 - 64
Clean Run - December 2017 - 65
Clean Run - December 2017 - 66
Clean Run - December 2017 - Cover3
Clean Run - December 2017 - Cover4
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