Schaumburg Live Work & Play - March/April 2009 - (Page 6) so children aren’t subjected to an intimidating police station. She took part in support groups. So did her parents, who blamed themselves for not seeing any signs. Merryn also became a volunteer at the center, which is currently celebrating its 20th anniversary. “The center gives kids a sense of trust and comfort they’ve lost,” said Merryn. “CAC was the foundation to my healing.” Merryn said her cousin confessed. She didn’t want to see him “locked up,” so he was instead required to get counseling. Hitting rock bottom Merryn struggled for about five years after breaking her silence at the Children’s Advocacy Center. She suffered flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks and thoughts of suicide. She injured herself intentionally and had an eating disorder and depression, eventually hitting rock bottom senior year at Schaumburg High School. Then she confronted her cousin and corresponded with him for seven months. He apologized and she eventually let go of her anger. “I had a light bulb moment of realizing I could let his evil act define me or I could go forward and not live in shame,” she said. Her book got published and she began telling her story publicly. She goes into high schools and travels the country to speak at other advocacy centers, conferences, fundraisers and colleges. She’s been featured on “Good Morning America” and “The Montel Williams Show” and appeared in Cosmo Girl magazine. Merryn found her purpose, and likely a career in the process. “I’m on an unstoppable crusade to get this epidemic in the spotlight,” said Merryn. “We need to wake up society to what’s going on in their own neighborhoods.” She doesn’t go into graphic detail about the abuse she suffers. Instead, she’ll read from her diary. In one entry, dated January 1998 at 2:40 a.m., Erin writes: “Dear God, Please help me I can’t take much more. I can barely sleep anymore This secret is killing me and I have to tell someone. What if Brian [the pseudonym she gave her attacker] is right and no one believes me. How do I make him stop? If you are out there God please help me! Erin” The grammar’s not perfect and words are misspelled. But Merryn refused to let editors clean it up. She started writing at age 11 and didn’t want to sanitize that voice. People have approached her in tears after her talk, ready to break their own silence. ‘I felt like a hypocrite’ Merryn was on the lecture circuit telling survivors to share their stories. Turns out, she was withholding parts of her own. Just 6 years old, Merryn said she was raped by a friend’s live-in uncle. She never revealed the horror to anyone, not even her diary. Rage issues and trouble in school followed, but she said the problems disappeared when her family moved across town soon after. She managed to bury the trauma until 2007. That’s when she sat down to write her second book, “Living for Today,” due out later this year. “I finally realized I have to tackle this,” said Merryn. “I felt like a hypocrite standing on stage.” Merryn said telling her parents was difficult because of the guilt and pain they already felt. She went to police, but was told they didn’t have a strong enough case to make an arrest. Still, she’s reconnected with her childhood friend and found a different kind of justice through a letter she sent her abuser. “I told him I’ve forgiven him and that the little girl he locked in the bedroom found her voice,” she said. “It’s poetic justice that he’s the one living in silence now.”’ ‘Stop, drop and roll’ Kids know about stranger danger. Fire and tornado drills are routine. So why, Merryn asks, don’t we teach children to be in charge of their own bodies? Merryn is calling on school districts Page 6 schaumburg live • work • play
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