Spread the Fire - November/December 2007 - (Page 7)

Immediately my walls of resistance sprang up. My mind flashed back twenty years to the beginning of our ministry. The old discipleship movement was around and without even knowing it, Jack and I were caught in the middle of it. The movement began with group of men, leaders in the charismatic renewal of the seventies, who came together to hold all things in common. But what began as a good idea gradually went off balance. These same men began to adopt other “sons” who became spiritual “fathers.” Slowly the move degenerated to a place where disagreement with one’s spiritual father resulted in your being labeled as rebellious if you were a man or a “Jezebel,” if you happened to be a female. I had always had an analytical mind, and needing more information than most people in order to understand what was being asked of me, I was constantly asking, “Why?” But the fear of being labeled rebellious caused me to begin to live a life of blind obedience. Even during times when I felt the Lord was saying something different to me; I disobeyed God and obeyed man. I became afraid to offer my ideas for fear that I was not a good servant. However, serving someone and really being a true son are two very different things. To an insecure leader, being a good servant means allowing the leader to define who you are. In order to demonstrate loyalty to this kind of leader, you must obey without question to prove that your heart is right toward them. However, anyone, good servant or not, becomes very frustrated when he or she is not allowed to ask the questions of conscience. When a leader forces those he leads to bury honest questions, he despises the valuable input from those God has placed around him and stunts the spiritual growth of his followers. Eventually, under this kind of leadership, I became angry, a volcano ready to erupt on anyone. Unfortunately, I tended to spew all over my dear husband, Jack. I certainly would never spew on those father figures and my hidden resentment toward them continued to grow. Why were the father and mother figures in my life trying to define who I was instead of helping me to discover who God had created me to be, I wondered? Why did God give me the ability to think creatively, outside the box, to see those things others didn’t initially notice, if I were not allowed to use that gift? I desperately wanted those I served to see my gifts and talents and help me develop my spiritual identity. So, that night many years later when James Jordan asked, “Who is your spiritual father?” suddenly all the negative emotions erupted again. This time I had matured spiritually and had learned to ask myself the painful question, “Why does this bother me?” I knew that unless I found the answer, I could not become a spiritual parent myself. I needed to become a real son/ daughter and forgive those authorities in my life for not meeting my expectations. As I prayed, the Lord led me on a path of discovery about myself that eventually led to greater spiritual maturity and a revelation of spiritual sonship. This is what I learned. TAKING A LOOK AT MYSELF As I examined myself with God’s help, I realized that I was more aware of my leaders’ responsibility toward me than my responsibility toward them. I began to use my analytical mind to ponder the issue of sonship. I saw that I had been looking to men to assume responsibility to teach me what only the Father could teach me. I began to study the example of the greatest Son I knew to discover how He learned to become such a good son. I once heard my husband, Jack, say that Jesus was a good son because of the Father that He had. He could be that good son because I John 4:16 tells us that God, His Father, is love. It isn’t hard to be son when you know your Father loves you and you trust Him implicitly. But what sort of love is this? In I Corinthians, the Apostle Paul explains it. “Love is kind Love is not jealous Love is not proud or rude Love is never irritable or keeps records of wrong done unto it Love never gives up, never loses hope, is always full of faith. Love endures through every circumstance. Love is never glad about injustice but rejoices in truth Love does not demand its own way.” This is the love the Holy Spirit alone can place in our hearts. It is supernatural, but it is available to every Christian. I wanted this love and began to study the scriptures. I wanted to know whose “son” I was. In addition to studying the word, I began to take a good look at my spiritual heritage by looking at my first spiritual parents, my own mom and dad. I grew up with good parents who loved me more than life and took me to church every Sunday, but in my spiritual development I only felt valued if I were serving without asking any questions. But where did this need to question everything come from? I wondered, am I really that analytical or is it just an excuse not to walk in blind obedience? During this time I also learned about word curses, negative accusations and statements people pronounce over oth- S TF - 7

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Spread the Fire - November/December 2007

Spread the Fire - November/December 2007 Contents In the River Finding My Place As a Son How to Experience the Father’s Love From Shame to Honor: My Journey into Sonship “YHWH” is Papa Book Review The Last Word International Itinerary Resource Center Catalogue Upcoming Events Visitor Information

Spread the Fire - November/December 2007

For optimal viewing of this digital publication, please enable JavaScript and then refresh the page. If you would like to try to load the digital publication without using Flash Player detection, please click here.