Grand Magazine - July/August 2008 - (Page 30)

ask grand Stuck on stuff By LILLIan Carson Is teenage materialism a value we’ve encouraged? Q A We are dismayed. Our 15-year-old granddaughter is so interested in buying things. She wants all the latest electronics and only designer clothes. Her 13-year-old brother is following in her footsteps. They are good kids and do fairly well in school, but they are preoccupied with thoughts of acquiring the latest styles. Is this typical of teens? Teens Have a sTrong DesIre to fit in, to be like their perceptions of other kids in their age group. Paradoxically, in their search for identity, they succumb to peer pressure—and dress alike, listen to the same music and use the same language. Adolescence is described by psychologist Theodore Lidz as “a time of physical and emotional metamorphosis during which the youth feels estranged from the self, the child he had known. It is a time of seeking: a seeking inward to find who one is; a searching outward to locate one’s place in life; a longing for another with whom to satisfy cravings for intimacy and fulfillment.” It is a turbulent time, a time of uncertainty that makes the need to “fit in” a paramount concern. Most of us would not want to relive our teen years and are happy to have been there, done that. So what is going on with your teenage grandchildren? They have, most likely, developed the self-consciousness that comes with their newly acquired ability to think abstractly and are susceptible to the marketers who have seized on the teenage search for identity and their need to belong—and have attempted to redirect these needs into making them consumers. Teens, vulnerable to the marketplace, are courted by marketers that, with the aids of branding and the endorsement of celebrities, encourage adolescents to buy goods they don’t need. Susan Linn, instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, calls it “the hostile takeover of childhood.” As grandparents, we are our grandchildren’s philosophy teachers. We can influence them and help to shape their values. But we must do this carefully and without criticism. As soon as we become judgmental, they’ll shut us out. First step? Teach media literacy. We can ask them, “Who created this ad?” and “What are they promising?” We can help raise our grandchildren’s awareness of people in need. For example, as the holidays approached, I asked my grandson if he’d ever worried about not having a big Thanksgiving dinner. Of course, he hadn’t—and he had never thought about those in our community who do worry. He chose some turkeys at the supermarket, and together we delivered them to our food bank. Encouraging community service or volunteering with the children to serve meals at homeless shelters will help them develop appreciation and gratitude for what they have. (One grandfather we know gave each of his grandchildren $100 at Christmas. He told them to give the money away and then, at Easter, explain who they gave the money to and why they made that decision.) Part of being adult is learning not to act on every urge, to delay gratification. Don’t be deceived by a teen’s veneer of apparent sophistication. Under that seemingly adult behavior is a vulnerable child in transition who is in need of a loving adult who believes in them. At a time when teens are trying to separate their identity from their parents, you can have a powerful influence as a role model— and by providing a listening ear. G For readings on the psychology of materialism: Dr. Helga Dittmar, http://www.sussex.ac.uk/psychology/profile725.html The teenage economy, New York magazine: http:// nymag.com/nymetro/urban/family/features/10872/ index2.html Teen materialism and self-esteem: http://parenting forpeace.blogspot.com/2008/01/teen-materialism-andself-esteem.html 30 GRAND JULY AUGUST 2008 http://www.sussex.ac.uk/psychology/profile725.html http://nymag.com/nymetro/urban/family/features/10872/index2.html http://nymag.com/nymetro/urban/family/features/10872/index2.html http://parentingforpeace.blogspot.com/2008/01/teen-materialism-and-self-esteem.html http://parentingforpeace.blogspot.com/2008/01/teen-materialism-and-self-esteem.html

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Grand Magazine - July/August 2008

Grand Magazine - July/August 2008 Contents Grand View: Love Is All That's Left Isn't It Grand?: Reassessing the Postponed Life Grand Central Just So We Know: One Mixed-Up Lemon Long-Distance Love: Cuttings Ask Grand: Stuck on Stuff Grand Gestures: "Thanks for the Ugly Gift" Tips on Teens: All That Doesn't Meet the Eye Live Long and Propser On the Cover: Peter Yarrow Presents of Mine Thicker Than Water? Reunions: White Water, White Knuckles The Grand Gourmet So We Are Not Alone Looking Grand: Suit-Able Grandbloggers: Why Watch TV When We Can Talk? Grand Bazaar Resources Grand Finale: What Boat

Grand Magazine - July/August 2008

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