Grand Magazine - July/August 2008 - (Page 33)

experience. I asked them what they do about gift-giving, how they teach their grandchildren to be gracious recipients. Karen Miller had prints of Beatrix Potter’s wonderful bunnies framed for each family of her grandchildren. She wrote special messages on the backs, but she knew that because the children were quite young, they would not fully appreciate the sentiment and meaning behind the gifts. She decided to present the prints to the mothers. The mothers demonstrated the proper enthusiasm, and the grandchildren followed suit. By handing the gift to the mothers, Karen facilitated the mothers’ demonstrations of a proper response. (The mothers all said how wonderful it was for Karen to have given the grandchildren such unusual, thoughtful presents, and they mentioned how loving Karen’s notes were on the back of the prints. The mothers also said to thank important lies. Dr. Talwar says, “Almost all kids will experiment with lying to avoid punishment. Because of that they lie indiscriminately.” She also has learned that children who early on grasp the nuances between lies and truth use this knowledge to their advantage, making them more prone to lie when given the chance. We grandmothers in our Thursday group admitted that we have done our part to propagate the white lies. We also resolved that in the future we will be more careful to avoid these behaviors before they start. Some more ideas Hugs and smiles and kisses are great! As soon as the wrapping paper is off, say, “Come and give Grandma a big bear hug!” It saves the child from having to comment. We can say, “That jacket will The trick is to be kind without lying. It takes a bit of finesse—and practice—but it is not difficult to do, once we learn how. Grandma by giving her a big smooch.) Jamie Pavey proposes talking about occasions ahead of time—teaching without preaching, by telling funny stories. (“When your mother was little, one of her aunts always gave her socks….”) Kids love these tales. (“When Daddy was your age, he really thought this one present was yucky, but he didn’t want to hurt his grandmother’s feelings, so he said, ‘I love you, Nana.’”) In both of my friends’ suggestions, truth is encouraged. When Karen gave the Potter prints indirectly to the children by way of the mothers, she knew they would supply the “why we like it” to the children. With Jamie’s idea, the grandkids learn right and wrong from family fables. Encouraged to tell white lies, children get comfortable lying. The lies spread to many social situations. We might call our white lies practice for bigger and more keep my little honey warm on a cold winter’s day.” We have diverted the child from telling a white lie. Notes are gracious. We can bring paper and crayons when we visit and help grandchildren make thank-you cards. We can use this opportunity to teach them what to say, and emphasize the appreciation-without-lies concept. (We can also bring stamps and mail the notes.) Holidays, anniversaries, graduations, birthdays there are so many gift-giving moments in life. And so many opportunities to respond with truth. The next time I unwrap a green blouse with orange fish swimming across the bodice, I’m going to tell my husband that I really appreciate his shopping (I know he hates it) and say, “I love you for buying a size small!”…though small I’m not. Thanks. Appreciation. Gratitude. No white lies. Just pure white truth. G JULY AUGUST 2008 GRAND 33 http://www.playmobil.com http://www.grandmagazine.com http://www.playmobil.com

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Grand Magazine - July/August 2008

Grand Magazine - July/August 2008 Contents Grand View: Love Is All That's Left Isn't It Grand?: Reassessing the Postponed Life Grand Central Just So We Know: One Mixed-Up Lemon Long-Distance Love: Cuttings Ask Grand: Stuck on Stuff Grand Gestures: "Thanks for the Ugly Gift" Tips on Teens: All That Doesn't Meet the Eye Live Long and Propser On the Cover: Peter Yarrow Presents of Mine Thicker Than Water? Reunions: White Water, White Knuckles The Grand Gourmet So We Are Not Alone Looking Grand: Suit-Able Grandbloggers: Why Watch TV When We Can Talk? Grand Bazaar Resources Grand Finale: What Boat

Grand Magazine - July/August 2008

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