Grand Magazine - July/August 2008 - (Page 52)

Thicker than By Brette SemBer A step-grand may walk like a duck, but… W hen we mArry or partner with someone who has grandchildren, our new role as a stepgrandmother may require some adjustments for everyone. Judith Mara Beach is a step-grand in Chicago to two girls, 13 and 11. She has no other grandchildren. “I’ve been very active in the girls’ lives and am very close to them,” she says. That closeness isn’t enough to make everything storybook perfect, however. “Neither my stepdaughter nor my grandchildren acknowledge me on Mother’s Day,” she says. Although she and her stepdaughter are close, her stepdaughter has said she acknowledges only her mother because she is a blood relation. This explanation doesn’t sit well with Judith, who wonders if her grandchildren wonder why she is excluded. “Will I matter in their lives when I get older, or if my husband, who is older than I, should pass? Are emotional ties as strong as blood? When are they going to want to have a talk about me not being their blood grandmother? It will happen someday, and I don’t know what I will say.” One of the biggest challenges water? of step-grandmothering is coming into a family where the grandkids already have a grandmother. When another grand appears on the scene, there can be a rivalry—or at least a sense of rivalry—with the blood grandmother. Mary Schneider is step-grand to 3-year-old TJ. When he was born, she and her husband, who live in Kissimmee, Florida, were the first to see him and took the first photos for the family. That “slight” has never been forgotten by the blood grandmother, Mary says. “Every once in a while she’ll say, ‘Well, you were the first to see him!’” Mary has also been hurt when the bio grand was chosen over her. She and her husband bought TJ a Batman costume for Halloween and were all set to take him trick-or-treating around their gated community. Mary found the trick-or-treat bag she herself used as a child; the video camera had been charging for days. Then, Mary called TJ’s mom to find out what time he would be dropped off. “Oh, I forgot to call you,” said her stepdaughter. “My mom called this morning to say she traded her day off so that she could be home tonight and have TJ for Halloween. So, I won’t be bringing him over after all.” Mary cried, and the entire episode felt spiteful to her. “We never even got to 52 GRAND JULY AUGUST 2008

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Grand Magazine - July/August 2008

Grand Magazine - July/August 2008 Contents Grand View: Love Is All That's Left Isn't It Grand?: Reassessing the Postponed Life Grand Central Just So We Know: One Mixed-Up Lemon Long-Distance Love: Cuttings Ask Grand: Stuck on Stuff Grand Gestures: "Thanks for the Ugly Gift" Tips on Teens: All That Doesn't Meet the Eye Live Long and Propser On the Cover: Peter Yarrow Presents of Mine Thicker Than Water? Reunions: White Water, White Knuckles The Grand Gourmet So We Are Not Alone Looking Grand: Suit-Able Grandbloggers: Why Watch TV When We Can Talk? Grand Bazaar Resources Grand Finale: What Boat

Grand Magazine - July/August 2008

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