Grand Magazine - September/October 2008 - (Page 51)

was fine until up ed how s and sisters, which manifests itself in the sort of behavior we’ve just read about. Experts tell us that there are many root causes: parental treatment, birth order, personality, and people and experiences outside the family. Regardless of the cause, the problem becomes one of competition for limited resources. Animals compete for food; children compete for time, attention, love and approval. The problem usually begins with the arrival of a second child. Before the second sibling, the first baby has whatever time is available for nurture and coddling. Along comes number two, and the time must somehow be divided. Halve that again for number three and again for number four. Emotionally, an older brother or sister can’t begin to help himself/herself because children’s emotional impulses trigger before they can process conscious thought. When attention is advanced toward the new baby, the older child will inevitably seek attention in order to pull offered love from the younger one: “Let’s throw Theo in the garbage!” Additionally, children have a strong need to define who they are as people, and they want to show they are separate from their siblings. This isn’t just true for babies: Adolescents have issues as well, which is exacerbated by their changing physical state, concern over their looks, and constantly shifting peer relationships. In a short yet important book by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., and Joshua D. Sparrow, M.D., Understanding Sibling Rivalry: The Brazelton Way, the authors suggest that when the younger sibling is newborn, we can help the older sibling by making sure the older child understands that the baby is not a replacement but an addition; by being ready to witness fallbacks in behavior and realize this will pass; by remembering that limits can be reassuring in that parents will stop behavior that would harm the infant; and by remembering to guard against wanting him to grow up! “He will, when he’s ready,” the authors claim. When the younger child is about 6–12 months, the older child will see the younger crawling and witness everyone’s excitement with first steps and words. Lo and behold, feelings that may have subsided will recur full SEPTEMBER OCTOBER 2008 GRAND 51

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Grand Magazine - September/October 2008

Grand Magazine- September/October 2008 Grand View:�Priceless Contents Isn't it Grand?: Picture Perfect Winners!: GRANDparent of the Year Grand Central Toddler Town:�Grand-proofing Ask Grand:�Two Tired Tips on Teens: The Bar Mitzvah Trips Just So We Know:�BPA Not Our BFF Full House-Full Heart-Full Time:�Confessions of a Backyard Grand Grandbloggers: It Takes a Village Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? Family + Food = Fun On the Cover: Nora Roberts A Fine Romance Everything Was Fine Until You Showed Up Happy Big Sister Day Looking Grand:�Elementary, My Dear All in the Family:�Pasta, Present and Future Reunions:�Doubleheader Inspirations:�Grandpa's Violin Grand Bazaar More to the Story Grand Finale:�Long Ago Under the Sun

Grand Magazine - September/October 2008

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