Grand Magazine - September/October 2008 - (Page 52)

Don’t expect their conflicts to go away. Ever. I was 5 when my mother remarried, and I was 7—and a scrawny, limp-haired tomboy—when my little sister was born. She was blonde, with olive skin and long, long black eyelashes. I became invisible unless someone needed a chore done. When she was 18 months old, I found a fingernail scissors and cut off her eyelashes. They never grew back. Amazingly, we’re still friends. —C.E.S., Oregon My 4-year-old grandson was not enthralled with the arrival of his baby brother. One morning, when his mother asked him to bring her the baby’s burp cloth from another room, he answered with a resounding “No!” Taken aback, but trying to remain calm, his mother said, “That’s fine. But someday when you ask me to get something for you, I just might remember this time.” “OK,” he replied. “Just don’t make a list.” —Cristina Ferrari-Logan, Lafayette, California No one asked me if I wanted a baby brother or sister. I was the princess. When I was 2, my brother—the prince—was born and usurped my position. When he was 2, he hurt his legs falling off a rain barrel. For a while he had to be pulled around—by me—in his shiny red Radio Flyer wagon. One day I pulled him to the park, returned home alone and suggested we get a kitten as a replacement. —Trudy Banks, Glenville, Minnesota 52 GRAND SEPTEMBER OCTOBER 2008 blast, often in monstrous behavior like stepping on tiny toddler hands. In this case, say Brazelton and Sparrow, “Don’t expect him to understand the baby. Instead, help him name and accept his feelings: ‘It’s so annoying for you when she messes up what you are trying to do.’… [T]he older child needs extra hugging and attention at each new exciting step in the baby’s development.” By 18 months, the toddler can move rapidly into the older sibling’s space. Watch out; you’ll be drawn in. Brazelton and Sparrow’s advice here is powerful. They say: 1) we should feel free to separate the children, but we should follow this action with read-alouds about angry situations; 2) after stopping a fight, give hugs and reassure the children that they can handle this without you (taking turns, sharing), but that you’re there if they need you; 3) after you’ve separated them, treat each as an individual and help settle each one down. You might say, “I know it’s so hard when your little sister takes your toys. You know, you can take your toys and go someplace else. You can even shut the door.” You can assure the younger child too, explaining that the older child needs time alone, or time to play with his/her own friends. Make sure to nurture playtime with children of the younger child’s age. Plan regular family meetings to discuss rules, expectations, even consequences. What we sometimes forget, too, is that there are many, many moments—when we’re not there— when brothers and sisters play together, learn how to handle their feelings, learn what to do when, and learn how to play together. Nevertheless, we are warned: “Don’t expect their conflicts to go away. Ever.” Instead, what you should expect is for older siblings to learn to live with (and manage) their younger brothers and sisters. (The same little boy who a month earlier had suggested we throw Theo away proffered his candy to his mother, saying, “Here, give this to Theo to suck on.” There’s hope!) Perhaps we can even modify the lyrics: Oh Theo is in the jump-a-roo; Fine with me and fine with you! More to the story: page 68.

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Grand Magazine - September/October 2008

Grand Magazine- September/October 2008 Grand View:�Priceless Contents Isn't it Grand?: Picture Perfect Winners!: GRANDparent of the Year Grand Central Toddler Town:�Grand-proofing Ask Grand:�Two Tired Tips on Teens: The Bar Mitzvah Trips Just So We Know:�BPA Not Our BFF Full House-Full Heart-Full Time:�Confessions of a Backyard Grand Grandbloggers: It Takes a Village Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? Family + Food = Fun On the Cover: Nora Roberts A Fine Romance Everything Was Fine Until You Showed Up Happy Big Sister Day Looking Grand:�Elementary, My Dear All in the Family:�Pasta, Present and Future Reunions:�Doubleheader Inspirations:�Grandpa's Violin Grand Bazaar More to the Story Grand Finale:�Long Ago Under the Sun

Grand Magazine - September/October 2008

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