GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 32

ask grand Bypassed for bio mom By LILLIan CarSon Suddenly, I’m not the “real” grandmother Q We adopted our daughter at birth and loved and cared for her throughout her life. I must admit our Scandinavian reserve was not always compatible with her outgoing personality, but we got along. She is now married. When she became pregnant, seeking health and genetic information, she looked for—and found—her biological mother. The two of them hit it off so well that my daughter chose her biological mother to be in the birthing room with her husband and her. I was not asked to be present. I am shocked and hurt and can’t believe I’ve been shunted aside in favor of this newly found biological mother. I don’t know what to do. —Heartbroken Grand A ThIS IS a ShoCkIng Turn of evenTS. I can only imagine the disbelief, sadness and anger you are experiencing. Many adopted children have longings for their biological parents in order to satisfy the need to know their origins. This knowledge is an integral building block in the formation of identity. The desire to connect with the biological parents to satisfy this need and fill in the blanks can be strong. I once treated an 11-year-old adopted girl who one day said wistfully, “I wish there were two of me.” When I asked why, she responded, “So one of me could be with my parents and the other with my birth parents.” Your daughter is evidently thrilled to have answers to lifelong, and possibly unexpressed, questions that only her biological mother can provide. However, their meeting comes at a vulnerable time. Your daughter’s new identity as a mother has, most likely, stimulated a stronger connection to her own genetic history. Hopefully, you can regain your rightful place in the lives of your daughter and your new grandbaby. Communication is key. Have a talk with your daughter at a time when you can put your anger and hurt aside and she is rested and comfortably in a routine. It is 32 GRAND JULY 2009 Click and connect to more resources instantly where you see this symbol: 

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - July 2009

GRAND Magazine - July 2009
GRAND View
Contents
GRAND Central
Grands Across the Sea
O, Say, Can You Sing?
Hear and Now
Ask GRAND
GRAND’s 2009 Sexiest Granddads
Nailing It
Reader's Write
Resources
GRAND Finale
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - intro
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - GRAND Magazine - July 2009
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - Cover2
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 3
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - Contents
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 5
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 6
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 7
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 8
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 9
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 10
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 11
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 12
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - GRAND Central
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 14
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 15
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 16
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 17
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 18
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 19
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 20
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 21
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - Grands Across the Sea
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 23
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 24
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 25
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 26
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 27
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - O, Say, Can You Sing?
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 29
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - Hear and Now
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 31
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - Ask GRAND
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 33
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - GRAND’s 2009 Sexiest Granddads
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 35
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 36
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 37
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 38
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 39
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 40
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 41
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - Nailing It
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 43
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 44
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 45
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - Reader's Write
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 47
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 48
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 49
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 50
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 51
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 52
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - Resources
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - GRAND Finale
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - 55
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - Cover3
GRAND Magazine - July 2009 - Cover4
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