GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017 - 26

ask dr. gramma karen

Is Your Welcome
Mat Out?

A
Must--‐Read
for
Grandparents

BY KAREN L. RANCOURT

randparents make a clear statement about
how welcome their grown children and
grandchildren are for short or extended visits
by way of the accommodations they provide.
For example, I know of several sets of grandparents
who have designed and built or purchased vacation
homes that have room for all their grown children and
all the grandchildren to stay together. In one instance,
each of the married three daughters has a bedroom
furnished and decorated according to her and her husband's preferences - it is "their room." Their accommodations for current and future grandchildren include
"bunk rooms" containing, one, two, or even three sets
of bunk beds and a large common play area stocked
with books and toys. The welcome mat is out!
For those grandparents who cannot afford purchasing a vacation home, an alternative is to rent a place for
a week or two that can accommodate everyone being
together. I know of situations where both sets of grandparents work together to rent a large vacation home for
the extended family. Many cousins talk fondly throughout their lives of these special times.
Contrast this with the young mom who wrote me
saying: "I feel really disappointed that my in-laws
haven't made it easier for us to stay at their house
with our 14-month-old. They have yet to provide
anything such as a porta-crib, toys, or books (they
are financially set, so that is not the issue). We'd like
to visit them more, but we always have to schlep so
much stuff.
26 GRAND

JULY AUGUST 2017

Look
Inside
"This
book...set
me
straight.
I
wasn't
sure
where
my
boundaries
were
as
a
grandma..."

"Visiting my parents is so much easier because
they've equipped their home for us. Last spring my
in-laws had hurt feelings when my parents babysat our
daughter for a weekend. We tried to explain why it was
much easier to take her to stay with my parents, but
nothing changed or has been discussed since."
This is an example of where grown children and
their grandchildren do not feel as welcome as they
need to feel in the grandparents' home. This will affect
time spent together (or not spent together!) as well
as the longer-term quality of the relationships. Some

simple and basic agreed-upon accommodations can
easily remedy this situation to broadcast the message:
You are welcome here!
Karen L. Rancourt, Ph.D., writes
an advice column for parents and
grandparents at Mommybites.com
and is the author of Ask Dr. Gramma
Karen, Volume II: Savvy Advice to
Help Soothe Parent-Grandparent
Conflicts.

"Karen
identiﬁes
the
cause
and
eﬀect
of
family
issues
in
plain
and
simple
language."
--‐
Amazon.com
Reviewers

Show me the book!

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Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017