GRAND Magazine - November/December 2017 - 35

grandliving

Are you "over-sharing" and "under-living?"
BY BOB AND JUDITH WRIGHT

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his parents' involvement. In fact, "When I was younger, I would've
been flat out embarrassed or at least irritated if my pare all love seeing pictures of our grandchilents had hovered too close or shown up at every basedren. All those sweet newborn babies swadball game and posted it on social media."
dled and sleeping, wide-eyed toddlers disWhen he went to school in Germany in the
covering and experimenting, and little kids with their
late 60s, "It was a really big deal for me and
toothy grins on the first day of school...
my family. My parents hadn't graduated from
When you look through your Facebook feed, I'm
college, so in many ways I was living out my
betting you see all kinds of photos of your friends' kids
father's dream. I wrote to my family every week,
and grandkids.
sharing many personal thoughts in my letters. I
But there can be a largely overlooked downside to all
reported very intimate details, but not too intimate, to
this sharing. Too many of us are no longer just sharing,
share with them and show my appreciation."
we're OVERsharing-and the real kicker is it's not only damIn the spring of 1969, he returned home to find that
aging our future relationships with our kids and grandkids, it's
his mother had been typing out all his letters and sharing
also preventing us from fully living our OWN best lives.
copies with close friends and people he didn't even know.
Yet, we still want to celebrate our grandkids and share every
He continues, "I was thrilled to share every new discovery
milestone and memory, from sacred, private moments to sonoas well as mundane details, but Mom went too far. I was
gram photos of our grandchildren in-utero-for all the world to
profoundly hurt and angry, especially when people I barely
see.
knew would come up to me and comment on things that
were none of their business. I felt like my privacy had been
violated. I felt like her actions cheapened the connection I'd
privately cultivated with her and my dad. I had no intention
for my story to be entertainment; my letters were meant to
include my parents in the excitement and discoveries my family had
afforded me."
Author Ariel Patel interviewed psychologist Dr. Jillian Roberts in implications on our relationships with our grandkids.
"The internet and technology didn't exist then, but my mother
her article on parents and social media. Dr. Roberts cautions that
Kids Need the Space to Cultivate Independence & Identity
could type around 100 words per minute on a manual typewriter!
we should be "...carefully thinking about what we post online-
When Bob was a sophomore in college, he was thankful for his She used her work mimeograph machine to make (what seemed
especially as it pertains to our kids (and grandkids)." We agree
parents' and grandparents' support, as it allowed him the opporto me like) endless copies."
with her emphatically, from personal experience.
tunity to study in Germany. But he also longed for independence.
Nowadays, parental and grandparental over-involvement has
This doesn't mean we shouldn't post on social media, but
He wanted to establish his own voice, make his own decisions and become the norm.
when we do, we should consider the short- and long-term
experience his own mistakes. He didn't want to be smothered by
Of course, sharing is fine, but let's think about the long-term

Too many of us are no longer
just sharing on social media,
we're OVERsharing

35 GRAND

NOVEMBER DECEMBER 2017

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GRAND Magazine - November/December 2017

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