GRAND Magazine - January/February 2018 - 12

grand living

It hurts! We may feel hungry for contact and afraid
of being left behind by the grandkids, so we hide how
irritated and hurt we feel. We may even blame the
technology. However, in truth, what really hurts us is
the feeling we're being dismissed and ignored. Being
ignored is counter to our inherent human longing to
be seen and heard. When it happens, it's painful.
Embracing honesty in our relationships and interactions is key to enjoying healthy connections with our

We want to leave a legacy of
honesty and communication.
This means getting hard truths
out in the open without fear of
repercussion stopping us.

12 GRAND

JANUARY FEBRUARY 2018

adult children and grandchildren. It's remarkable how
many children respond positively when they learn the
consequences of their behavior. Yet, it's not our role as
grandparents to parent or police or even guilt trip our
grandkids. It's also disempowering to our adult children when we tell them what they should do or how
they should parent.
However, we should speak our truth and share our
feelings. It's perfectly fine to throw out the "are you phubbing me?" question. Your feelings are valid and important.
Let your kids (and anyone else who favors their cell phone
over real-life interactions) know you don't appreciate
being ignored. If there's a more important matter at hand,
let them go address it. If not, expect their presence.
It's an important distinction to make. You aren't instructing them how they should behave or what they should do.
You're simply stating their behavior has bothered you.

For those who aren't comfortable with confrontation, an honest, open discussion might be
difficult. We worry our adult children will distance
themselves from us or reduce our time with our
grandkids, so we walk on eggshells around them.
This is a form of putting our head in the sand
and ignoring the problem. Pretending or glossing
over our feelings doesn't serve or strengthen our
relationships.
We want to leave a legacy of honesty and communication. This means getting hard truths out in the
open without fear of repercussion stopping us. Rather
than a relationship built on false pretenses and interactions, move forward in truth.
Responsible conflict can build better communication. It allows us to say how we feel. In our book,
The Heart of the Fight, we discuss how conflict is
at the cornerstone of healthy, honest relationships.
Engagement and resulting conflict is a two-way
street-if we're 100% responsible for our feelings and
no one gets more than 50% of the blame in any situation, that is. However, if we're staying silent and seething, we're not moving forward.

Click here if you are guilty of phubbing
and want to start connecting

Relationships experts, world-class
coaches, and best-selling authors,
Dr. Judith and Dr. Bob Wright
are co-founders of the Wright
Foundation for the Realization of
Human Potential and The Wright
Graduate University and authors of
The Heart of the Fight

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0994809700/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0994809700&linkId=c0cf2342749a51234e00421ef2df453e https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003B6QYSW/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B003B6QYSW&linkId=74a78ba0a510c9871c2e38f745d59213 http://www.heartofthefight.com/ http://www.grandmagazine.com/2017/08/well-family-get-along/ http://www.grandmagazine.com/2017/08/well-family-get-along/ http://www.grandmagazine.com/2017/08/well-family-get-along/ http://www.theheartofthefight.com/ http://www.grandmagazine.com/2017/06/help-hurts-really-helping-2/ http://www.grandmagazine.com/2017/12/feeling-phubbed-smartphones-dilute-relationships/ http://www.grandmagazine.com/2017/06/help-hurts-really-helping-2/ http://www.thewrightfoundation.org/ http://www.thewrightfoundation.org/ http://www.thewrightfoundation.org/ http://www.heartofthefight.com/

GRAND Magazine - January/February 2018

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - January/February 2018