Lamaze Magazine 2009

Reality: Your baby’s birth is not the end of your pregnancy experience. And you thought it was over in 9 months? Actually, much of your experience takes place after childbirth – mulling it over in your mind, making sense of what happened, processing what you felt on the inside and understanding what other people saw on the outside. The greater the discrepancy between what you expected and what you got, the tougher this task will be. It’s very important that you have supportive people around you (starting with your partner) who will listen without judgment to your birth story – as many times as you need to tell it. By reviewing the experience with someone else, you can better understand it yourself and successfully move on to the other issues and demands of mothering. Reality: There is no such thing as a perfect mom or dad. We all have a picture of the ideal mom or dad – and it’s always the person we aren’t. In truth, most parenting skills are learned. The first time you give your baby a bath, it will probably take an hour and make a mess. But a month later, you’ll be ready to teach a baby-care class. everyone has to learn the ropes through trial and error. So give yourself a break. love and enjoy your baby, let your baby love and enjoy you, and keep your sense of humor. even the craziest days can make for hilarious stories later on. Reality: Moms and dads have different parenting styles. Dads tend to be more playful and physical, which encourages and promotes muscle development and motor skills; moms tend to interact in more quiet, soothing ways that stimulate language and cognitive development. Several research studies in the last decade have shown that both styles of parenting benefit babies, so it’s best if you’re both actively involved in daily baby care. Sometimes men come into parenting with less baby handling experience than women. They stand back, worried they will do something wrong. But the only way for a man to learn how to care for a baby is to just get in there and do it. Dad shouldn’t worry if he doesn’t do things exactly like mom does, as long as the result is more or less the same. mom should try not to give too much unsolicited advice. Unless safety is an issue, stand back and let Dad give this a try. He’ll figure it out more quickly than you’d expect. Soon you’ll both be pros. Reality: With change, there is ultimately loss. We’re all aware of the indescribably wonderful joys that come with having a new baby. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of a sweet-smelling newborn nuzzling against your neck. But the birth of a baby also brings some necessary losses – your lifestyle, freedom and some of your income. The appropriate reaction to loss is grief, and the only way to get to the other side of it is to feel it and move through it. our culture tends to shun new parents who express any sadness. We tell parents that they should feel only joy and gratitude, but this doesn’t make sense. Having a baby is no doubt the biggest life adjustment you will ever make; it’s only natural that you’ll feel emotions on both ends of the spectrum. Be honest with yourself and acknowledge the losses, ambivalence and moments of regret. It is part of letting go and moving on. Reality: The support of family members and friends is invaluable. Parenting was never meant to be done alone. We all need people around us who can show us the ropes, lend a helping hand, and provide reassurance and encouragement. In our culture, extended families are often too far away to provide the guidance new moms and dads need. So you must be creative about arranging and asking for help. Don’t be afraid to ask your next-door neighbor to do a diaper run or have a friend watch the baby while you take a nap. Remember, adjusting to parenthood will take time for both partners. Recognizing and discussing these issues before your baby is born will give you a head start as you begin your new life together as a family. | Online: Read more at lamaze.org/magazine. We all have a picture of the ideal mom or dad — and it’s always the person we aren’t. In truth, most parenting skills are learned. Photo: dana menussi/Getty lAmAze mAGAzINe 2009 29 lAmAze.oRG http://www.lamaze.org/magazine http://www.lamaze.org

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Lamaze Magazine 2009

Lamaze Magazine 2009 Contents Essential Lamaze for Pregnancy Making Connections Body Beautiful Birth Day, Your Way Mother Knows Best Essential Lamaze for Birth Supporting Cast Labor Day Position Statement Comfort Zone Intervention Intelligence The Waiting Game Essential Lamaze for Parenting Nursing School Reality Check Sleep Tight Unforgettable

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