Louisiana Cultural Vistas - Spring 2006 - (Page 31) the latter. How many times have we heard the complaint that retail sales can be murder? Maybe this was a new hire trying especially hard to impress the boss or hoping to put some extra meat on the table. Undoubtedly, record sales went up after the Axeman’s letter came out. But that still doesn’t explain the requisite level of stress needed to motivate an axe murderer. There must be something else. What is the most stressful job you can think of in New Orleans? Air traffic controller? Didn’t have ‘em back then. Policeman? No, the combination of policeman and volunteer fireman seems somehow too incongruous. Plus the police don’t usually carry axes. (You go with what you know.) Streetcar operator? There were fewer cars back then, so that’s out. What else? I’m thinking a substitute teacher in Orleans Public Schools, specializing in history and poetry. That’s got to be tough, then and now. Plus, it’s part-time work, so that leaves plenty of extra time to sell records and drink and play kotch with the volunteer fire company. So we end up with a profile of a person from out of town who works in retail record sales most of the time but also supplements income as a substitute teacher and volunteer fireman. Can’t be too many of those about. Since there’s no statute of limitations on axe murder, it’s not too late to settle the score. Given that the guy’s at least a hundred by now, he won’t put up much of a fight. But the police should handle him gently, because we may need his services. In fact, I want to suggest a plea bargain involving community service. During the last twenty years, jazz has hovered at about two percent of the popular music market (pretty much at the bottom, somewhere below Yma Sumac reissues and William Shatner Sings Black Sabbath boxed sets). We need to bring the Axeman back to get those jazz record sales up where they belong. It worked before, why not again? We won’t have to pay the Axeman $14 million, which is what Ken Burns got for his jazz series, the most recent attempt to rescue jazz from the mausoleum. I say we give the Axeman time off for good behavior and then turn him over to Bernie Cyrus and the Louisiana Music Commission (no frying pan into the fire jokes, please). Plus, if he really is from Hell, think of all the old friends he’ll bring along when he comes out of retirement! This year the Axeman’s coming BACK, so get those jazz records out and be ready to play them. Bruce Raeburn, Ph.D., is director of the Hogan Jazz Archive at Tulane University. Spring 2006/LOUISIANA CULTURAL VISTAS 31 http://www.stirlingprop.com http://www.stirlingprop.com http://www.stirlingprop.com
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