The Roanoker - March 2014 - (Page 9)

R THE GOSSIP (TOTAL NONSENSE) Dudes Up to No Good . . . The tradition of Virginia governors leaving prank items for their successors reaches back farther than you might think. HEY, GOSSIPMAN - Did you see that stuff about former Governor Bob McDonnell pranking new-guv Terry McAuliffe by leaving a stuffed bear in a bathroom? And earlier than that, Mark Warner leaving Tim Kaine a big cardboard cutout of himself in the shower? Does this wacky Virginia tradition always have ties to the bathroom? -L.T., Vinton Well L.T., there are at least a couple of examples from history where the tie was to another room: Governor Chuck Robb left Gerald Baliles Thai Collins' phone number; and even earlier in history, Governor Thomas Jefferson left incoming Governor William Fleming not only Sally Hemings' phone number but also a couple of nekkid-pix sext messages. Q . Hey, G-man. I read in the paper where the passenger train is coming back to Roanoke in 2017. What the hell is taking so long? -D.B., Roanoke Calm down, D.B., the train just left Boston on Tuesday, and a few delays are expected up there in the Northeast Corridor. I mean you never know where Jersey Gov. Chris Christie might strike next. Q . Dear Gossipman, I know the Virginia ABC has come under a lot of heat lately, owing not only to the big stupid bust of that UVa co-ed who'd just bought a case of water, but also the overall pattern of what seems like mis- and non-management, not to mention cronyism. Do you know if the new governor has plans to fix things? M.G., Roanoke County There are two proposals being floated as we go to press. One is to turn over the complete operation of the ABC to the staff of Christiansburg High School, which took it upon itself to fire the coaches of the girls basketball team after said coaches purchased a bottle of moonshine and put it in the trunk till they got home. The other idea is to turn the ABC over to the students of C-burg High, with the thought they might be a little more balanced and mature in their approach to alcoholic beverages than the school administrators. Q . Just wondering, Gossipman, if you have seen the newspaper's recently added TV Weekly section. And do you know if there are other cutting-edge innovations under consideration by the new ownership? T.L., Roanoke Word is they are going to go back to the old Roanoke Times & Whirled News name for the paper, and then get rid of pretty much all of the in-town staff and run nothing but tiny meaningless pieces picked up from the Richmond, Lynchburg, Bristol, Danville, Bedford, Charlottesville and Wytheville newspapers. Q New newspaper! TV Weekly plus little snippets from papers all over the place! THE R OANOKER.COM . G-Dude - I saw where Virginia Tech was selected as one of only six drone testing sites in the nation not long ago. Are there implications for the area we should be thinking about? C.S., Blacksburg Nothing at all to worry about, Charles. All this crap about surveillance and spying and communications being scrambled are really just mflighelltubhg tulmfeuhgl fmlghljumgjignh blflghiing bzzzzippp. . . I MARCH/APRIL 2014 9 http://www.THEROANOKER.COM

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of The Roanoker - March 2014

Roanoker - March 2014
The 360
The Network
The Flavor
The Gossip
The Gist
The Look
Dudes! and What it Means to Be One
Three More Dudes
Top 10 Annoying Dude Traits and How to Overcome Them
Dude-Dubious: The Awards for Questionable Achievement
The Lady in Black and Her Harassment of Dudes
Man Caves, Roanoke Style
Carvins Cove at 70
Dude Eats: Jack Brown's
The Dish
The Perfect Weekend

The Roanoker - March 2014