The Roanoker - March 2014 - (Page 9)
R THE GOSSIP (TOTAL NONSENSE)
Dudes Up to No Good . . .
The tradition of Virginia governors leaving prank items for
their successors reaches back farther than you might think.
HEY, GOSSIPMAN - Did you see that
stuff about former Governor Bob McDonnell pranking new-guv Terry McAuliffe by
leaving a stuffed bear in a bathroom? And
earlier than that, Mark Warner leaving Tim
Kaine a big cardboard cutout of himself in
the shower? Does this wacky Virginia tradition always have ties to the bathroom? -L.T.,
Well L.T., there are at least a couple of examples from history where the tie was to another room: Governor Chuck Robb left Gerald
Baliles Thai Collins' phone number; and even
earlier in history, Governor Thomas Jefferson
left incoming Governor William Fleming not
only Sally Hemings' phone number but also a
couple of nekkid-pix sext messages.
. Hey, G-man. I read in the paper where
the passenger train is coming back to
Roanoke in 2017. What the hell is taking
so long? -D.B., Roanoke
Calm down, D.B., the train just left Boston on Tuesday, and a few delays are expected up there in the Northeast Corridor.
I mean you never know where Jersey Gov.
Chris Christie might strike next.
. Dear Gossipman, I know the Virginia
ABC has come under a lot of heat lately, owing not only to the big stupid bust of
that UVa co-ed who'd just bought a case of
water, but also the overall pattern of what
seems like mis- and non-management, not
to mention cronyism. Do you know if the
new governor has plans to fix things? M.G., Roanoke County
There are two proposals being floated
as we go to press. One is to turn over the
complete operation of the ABC to the staff
of Christiansburg High School, which took
it upon itself to fire the coaches of the girls
basketball team after said coaches purchased
a bottle of moonshine and put it in the trunk
till they got home. The other idea is to turn
the ABC over to the students of C-burg High,
with the thought they might be a little more
balanced and mature in their approach to
alcoholic beverages than the school administrators.
. Just wondering, Gossipman, if you
have seen the newspaper's recently added TV Weekly section. And do you know
if there are other cutting-edge innovations
under consideration by the new ownership?
Word is they are going to go back to the
old Roanoke Times & Whirled News name
for the paper, and then get rid of pretty much
all of the in-town staff and run nothing but
tiny meaningless pieces picked up from the
Richmond, Lynchburg, Bristol, Danville,
Bedford, Charlottesville and Wytheville
New newspaper! TV Weekly plus little snippets from papers all over the place!
. G-Dude - I saw where Virginia Tech
was selected as one of only six drone
testing sites in the nation not long ago. Are
there implications for the area we should be
thinking about? C.S., Blacksburg
Nothing at all to worry about, Charles.
All this crap about surveillance and spying
and communications being scrambled are
really just mflighelltubhg tulmfeuhgl fmlghljumgjignh blflghiing bzzzzippp. . . I
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of The Roanoker - March 2014
Roanoker - March 2014
Dudes! and What it Means to Be One
Three More Dudes
Top 10 Annoying Dude Traits and How to Overcome Them
Dude-Dubious: The Awards for Questionable Achievement
The Lady in Black
and Her Harassment
Man Caves, Roanoke Style
Carvins Cove at 70
Dude Eats: Jack Brown's
The Perfect Weekend
The Roanoker - March 2014