Bowlers Journal International - April 2008 - (Page 88)

STRIKESME BY BOB JOHNSON PONTIFICATING ON THE EVE OF THE BIG 5-0H Proof that age and wisdom are mutually exclusive. I'M TURNING 50 THIS MONTH. THAT'S A LONG TIME, although it sure didn't seem to take all that long to get here. They say that with age comes wisdom. I'm not so sure about that, but I can say that with age come observations, opinions and occasional rants. Here are 50 examples from my 50 years on Earth, 40 years as a bowler and 34 years as a journalist 1. I am constantly amazed by how some in bowling go ga-ga over celebrities. It seems to be a way for people to feel better about being bowlers. Each time I hear someone get excited that John Burkett is a bowler, I think of Sally Fields' Oscar acceptance speech: "You like me; you really, really like me!" 2. Sometimes you can't avoid offending people. 3. In sports, greatness fades with time, as witnesses die off. That's why calling Walter Ray Williams Jr. "the greatest bowler of alltime" is just plain silly. The greatest in PBA history? Probably. The greatest right-hander in PBA history? Undoubtedly. The greatest of all-time? You'd have to be at least a hundred years old to make that assessment with any degree of authority. 4. Except when assessing your wife's taste in fashion, honesty is always the best policy. 5. Respect is earned, not bestowed. 6. Don't blame the messenger unless it knocks over a corner pin for your opponent. 7. Marshall McLuhan was wrong: The medium is not the message. The challenge is in figuring out which medium is most reliable. 8. Be glad that some of your friends scoff at your love of pro bowling. If everyone followed the PBA, you'd never be able to get tickets when the Denny's Tour came to town. 9. The greatest lesson we could ever learn is to be grateful for what we have. 10. If USBC awards were based on a feat's rarity, the gold rings today would be awarded for leaving the 5-7-10. 11. Do not fear; in time, the hambone will pass. 12. That one annoying piece of verbiage aside, I have to say that ESPN's Rob Stone is growing on me. 13. If everybody at least faked that they believed in the Golden Rule, the world would be a better place. 14. Bo Burton may have come across as "old school" in some of his observations on U.S. Women's Open telecasts last year, but the long-time "Pro Bowlers Tour" color commentator makes an excellent play-by-play man. 15. Perspective is the greatest ulcer fighter. 16. Never argue with a police officer. 17. Likewise, if your flight gets canceled and you're trying to get re-booked, don't take your frustration out on the agent. 18. Corner pins are 88 bowlers journal international APRIL 2008 nothing more than tests of patience (in a family magazine, anyway). 19. It's good to have someone in your life who isn't afraid to tell you when you're wrong. 20. Toward that end, every household should include a teenager. 21. How you spend your time is the real indicator of what's important to you. 22. So, go bowling today. 23. Even though Robert Smith plays that far inside, it may not be the best line for you. 24. It's okay to admit you don't know something. 25. If I'd known how important RG differential was going to become in bowling, I'd have paid more attention in math class. 26. Anyone who judges you by the kind of shoes you wear — even if they're rental shoes — isn't worth trying to impress. 27. The ocean of oil found in the middle of the typical lane has rendered nearly extinct one of the great psychological ploys in bowling: the Brooklyn strike. 28. I'd definitely want Chris Barnes on my team, but I'm not sure I'd put him in the anchor spot. 29. I don't know who first said it, but it's true: Most talent is hard work in disguise. 30. Because so many people think bowling is dumb, I try to avoid placing that label on other activities. But I draw the line at turkey bowling. 31. Hmm if we were to ban turkey bowling, I fear that hambone bowling would inevitably replace it. 32. Hence, when it comes to turkey bowling, I no longer will cry, "Fowl!" 33. The first thing every new desk attendant should be trained to do is smile when they answer the phone. 34. Bowling isn't fair; your opponent can go through the beak and leave a 3-pin, while you can go a little high and leave the 4-9. 35. The real key to a successful relationship is a shared sense of humor. 36. Life is measured not by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away — you know, like leaving a stone-9. 37. Socrates said that an unexamined life is not worth living. So go find yourself a good bowling coach. 38. With apologies to Bob Dylan, the greatest living American songwriter is Tom Russell. 39. There is no right way to do the wrong thing. That includes throwing away pins. 40. When Dick Weber died, so did the soul of bowling. 41. Common sense is not as common as it should be. 42. The $4 gallon of gas will be even more painful than the $4 game of bowling — particularly for those who bowl in traveling leagues. 43. If you're paying attention, leaving a 10-pin can sometimes help you bowl a higher score than getting a strike. 44. All pontificating about the mental game can be summed up in nine words: If you believe you can do it, you can. 45. We could get pretty drunk these days if we cashed in every beer frame. 46. Laundry day is much more pleasant when you bowl in a smoke-free center. 47. Absolute candor has the potential to offend absolutely. 48. You can be a diligent proofreader, but some typos reveal themselves only after the magazine has been printed. 49. A woman is right to be secretive about her age. When you hear that someone is turning 40, you make different assumptions than you would if he or she were turning 20. And when someone hits 50, the assumption is that he's a self-sbsorbed blowhard who's likely to pass off his life experiences as "wisdom." 50. Magazine readers love lists.

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Bowlers Journal International - April 2008

Bowlers Journal International - April 2008 Contents Leading Off Letters Bowlitically Incorrect Calendar Par Bowling The Coach Frame of Mind Inside Line The Truth Be Bowled Tournaments Pro Bowling PBA Bayer Classic PBA Pepsi Championship PBA Don Johnson Classic Regional Roundup Cover Story Up Close Senior Tour The USBC Move USBC Convention Pattern Play Anniversary Flashback Time Capsule Media Beat No Holes Barred Shop Talk Spotlight Marketplace Hall Marks Profit Prophet Advertisers' Index Classified Advertising Intelligencer Business Calendar Business People Strikes Me

Bowlers Journal International - April 2008

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