Vim & Vigor - Fall 2010 - North Mississippi - (Page 31)
ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES AND DIG IN
Brott disputes the myth that women are naturally predisposed to be better parents than men. “There’s no basis in fact for that,” he says. “It’s complete speculation. Men and women respond the same way to their kids.” But women get a lot of on-the-job training, he adds, because dad tends to go back to work, and mom often stays home longer. For many dads, it’s a matter of jumping in. “Don’t wait for people to invite you in to be a parent,” Brott says. “The only way you’re going to be an effective, competent parent is by making mistakes. That’s how moms get good at this stuff. The only way dads can do it is by getting involved. There is no shortcut.” And it may come more naturally than you think. “Many, many fathers would be surprised, but we as men have a maternal instinct,” says Barack Levin, author of The Diaper Chronicles and a father of two. “We do know how to change diapers. We know how to do everything.” In 2008, Jackman told Britain’s Daily Mail that his relationships with his wife and two kids are his idea of heaven. “I don’t think fatherhood changes you,” he said in the interview. “It just brings out elements of your character that are already there. I enjoyed all that responsibility as it made me question myself and, ultimately, made me feel like a man. My priorities changed. In a way, it is all effortless and all very natural in the way it happens.” Moms can help the process, too, by doing one simple thing: getting out of the way sometimes. “There is no necessarily right way of doing things,” Brott says. “If you suggest [your spouse] isn’t doing things right, he’ll become more of a mommy’s little helper who has to ask you questions. You want him to be more independent.” But it’s about more than participating in diaper changes and feeding. It’s also about listening to your kids, Levin says. “Our kids have a lot to tell us. Not necessarily verbally,” he explains. “Once you start listening to your kid, you’ll better understand what he likes to do, what he wants, what he’s afraid of.”
Far left: Hugh Jackman has his hands full after picking up his daughter, Ava, at school in Greenwich Village. Left: Ava and Oscar enjoy time with dad in a park near their home in New York City.
NOT SURE WHERE TO START ?
nspired by his experiences as a child and family psychologist and through his own parenting experiences, David Swanson wrote Help—My Kid Is Driving Me Crazy: The 17 Ways Kids Manipulate Their Parents, and What You Can Do About It. He suggests the following tips for active and effective parenting. • EARN THEIR RESPECT. “Just because you’re the parent doesn’t mean your kids automatically respect you,” he says. Start earning it when they’re young by spending time with them and learning who they are. • TEACH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG. Help your children learn how to make good decisions. Whether it’s smoking or swearing, kids do what you’re doing, he says. “Don’t tell them what to do. Show them what to do.” • OFFER VALIDATION. Letting kids know when you approve of their decisions helps them build self-esteem. “When we get stressed, we focus on telling our kids what not to do. We put out the fires,” Swanson explains. “We should be focusing on telling them what to do.” Offer praise—not to mention plenty of cuddling— as often as you can.
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PHOTOGRAPHY BY HECTOR VALLENILLA, RETNA/CORBIS
Vim & Vigor · FAL L 2010
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Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Vim & Vigor - Fall 2010 - North Mississippi
Vim & Vigor - Fall 2010 - North Mississippi
Contents
Opening Thoughts
Lean On Me
Inside Look
What’s in Your Medicine Cabinet?
See the Future
The Female Factor
Take a Bite Out of Stress
Starring Role
Shouldering the Pain
Train Your Brain
What Now?
Choose Your Own Adventure
Community Report
Catch the Spirit
Vim & Vigor - Fall 2010 - North Mississippi
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