Military Officer - November 2008 - (Page 66)

shared our patriotism and love of country and a desire to help each other stand on our own two feet and to make a better life for our children.” The spirit of patriotism provided comfort to World War II widows, but a lack of support for troops in Vietnam made survivors’ grief more difﬁcult to bear. Olson says, “I was in no-man’s-land. It was an unpopular war. People made judgments about you. They questioned, ‘Why would a man with ﬁve children ever sign up for something like this?’ They didn’t know Bob. He was an ofﬁcer in the Air Force and had just completed a master’s degree, and this was his obligation to fulﬁll. He didn’t like the war either.” Olson gives credit to Vietnam veterans who have helped change the culture of the country. “They decided that what happened to them is not going to happen to Marie Speer founded Gold Star Wives. these kids today who are serving,” Olson says. “The troops are not responsible for a war. We can’t always agree with policies, but we do have to show our appreciation. I thank every soldier I see. And do they ever appreciate it. Years ago, we never, ever heard, ‘thank you for your service.’ ” Knowing her husband’s service was appreciated has helped Fenty get through the past two years. “Family and friends really protected me and were patient with me. My grief was complicated. I was easing into two transitions. I had just become a parent, and now I was a widow. The person who was the center of my world for 20 years was gone. I had to ﬁnd a new place to live and a new way to live. A friend spent six months going up and down the East Coast with me to help me ﬁnd a new home. Friends of Joe’s continue to visit with Lauren and talk to her about him. Other friends set up scholarships in his name.” Coming together In starting Gold Star Wives, Speer says she learned one of the best remedies for dealing with grief is helping others. Within just a few years of coalescing and becoming a na66 MILITARY OFFICER NOVEMBER 2008 tional organization, Gold Star Wives had become a force on Capitol Hill. Gold Star Wives had set an agenda to correct inequities for war widows and their children, including bills to provide Social Security credit for time spent in service, to extend GI loan and education beneﬁts to widows and their children, and to increase the compensation to children of those who died in service to their country. “It was ridiculous,” says Speer. “The pension was $50 for the widow, $15 for the ﬁrst child, and $10 for every child after.” While testifying before Congress, Speer remembers a senator jokingly said to her, “I guess you don’t believe in watering the soup.” “Finally they gave as much to the second child as they did for the ﬁrst,” says Speer. Gold Star Wives continues to be an important presence in military communities, with 10,000 members and 60 chapters nationwide. And Speer, who still is an active member, says the organization, as part of the collaborative efforts of groups such as MOAA in The Military Coalition, continues to advocate for equitable beneﬁts for the families of servicemembers who died while on active duty or as a result of military service. Among them, Speer says, “We’ve got to do something about the unfair laws affecting [the Survivor Beneﬁt Plan]. That money is like life insurance. It is an obligation, an entitlement. It cannot be forgiven because the government ran out of money.” “I know my needs pale in comparison to what other widows faced in previous wars. The support systems and beneﬁts continue to improve because families have advocated over the years,” says Fenty, who has worked to correct lapses in the Army’s casualty assistance process. “I went through several casualty assistance ofﬁcers. The ﬁrst one came two days after my notiﬁcation to deliver the death gratuity check. [A casualty assistance ofﬁcer] said, ‘I know things seem pretty grim right now, but this ought to make you feel a whole lot better.’ There was such a need for sensitivity training. There were many decisions to be made such as whether to accept child-only or spouse-only SBP. I often felt like I was being rushed. I was told soon after the funeral that it would be inappropriate for me to have any role in Joe’s battalion. Joe was their commander. I cared about them, and I needed their support. Some families questioned why I [stayed] on base, when they knew I had a year to stay.” Fenty voiced her concerns, and some senior leaders asked her to contribute in a formal way. “They were receptive. I met with casualty assistance and mortuary affairs in Alexandria, Va., and found many of the concerns I voiced were already being addressed.” The Army’s casualty assistance centers have implemented improved training and standardization in the past two years, and Fenty

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Military Officer - November 2008

Military Officer - November 2008 Contents From the Editor From the President Your Views MOAA Directory Rapid Fire Washington Scene Chapters in Action Financial Forum Ask the Doctor Financial Guidebook Out of the Red 7 Year-End Tax Strategies Cover Story: Memory Survives Something to Say MOAA Scholarship Recipients Pages of History Faces of MOAA Information Exchange Member Books Advertising Index MOAA Member Services MOAA Calendar Sounding Taps Encore

Military Officer - November 2008

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