One + May 2011 - (Page 77)

It seems, Candidate Doe has a habitual, nonverbal cue that makes him look like a liar. “When I teach interview and interrogation techniques to law enforcement ofﬁcers, one of the key signs of a lie is a suspect who makes an afﬁrmative statement while shaking his head no,” Wood says. “When the verbal and nonverbal messages disagree, we read the nonverbal cue as the honest cue, as it is under less conscious control and not as easily manipulated.” This was Candidate Doe’s hamartia, his fatal ﬂaw, and one he performs fairly often. Typically, someone who mixes his signals so radically lies habitually or wafﬂes often, Wood says. The bottom line: Be honest. You cannot avoid sending a constant stream of signals about what you are feeling and thinking. When people are their authentic selves—with no façades—you have a visceral feeling in their presence. And their facial expressions match what they say. Wood’s mentor at Florida State University taught his students this by example. As a doctoral student in nonverbal communication, it was her good luck to have College of Communications Dean Ted Clevenger as advisor. “Even though he was a busy man, he would always smile as soon as he saw me and have me sit down,” she recalls. “I never felt rushed; I felt absolutely relaxed, as if he had all the time in the world and I was an important person. Recommended Reading The Conﬂict Cure: Pain Free Techniques to Deal with Difﬁcult People and Difﬁcult Conversations by Patti Wood Emotionomics: Leveraging Emotions for Business Success by Dan Hill and Sam Simon Face Time by Dan Hill Success Signals: Understanding Body Language by Patti Wood He would look at me with focused eye contact, both sides of his face gave the same expression (facial symmetry is an indication of honesty), he would lean forward and then actively listen to what I had to say.” His mouth never twisted up to the side in a smirk, and he never gave hints of misjudgment or displeasure. And these traits gave him immense credibility. It seems honesty begets credibility. But that doesn’t assuage the speaker when her audience cues defensive. Hill points out that the face can actually express up to seven emotions (anger, fear, disgust, contempt, sadness, surprise and happiness), all of which can be read and reacted to by executives. “If you see sadness or contempt, stop your presentation, ask if you are on track or if you need to adjust,” he recommends. Wood says you should never try to “catch” someone’s cue, rather, you should be looking at their faces to better understand what they want and need. Understanding facial cues, she says, is about being fully present and connected. “If you feel someone is holding their true feelings back, or has expressed negative emotions, I recommend you take actions to make that other person feel safe and comfortable so they can say the truth out loud,” she says. “Respond to cues of withholding or displeasure by matching and mirroring (not out of a desire to manipulate, but out of desire to understand) and then moving your body and bringing your facial expressions to a more open and pleased expression.” Ultimately, Hill says all natural expressions have an organic rhythm. If you see sudden facial movements or smiles that come too fast or linger too long, then you’re probably witnessing false emotion. Your colleague may be hiding something. And you have to ask yourself why. JESSIE STATES is an award-winning writer and editor for One+. mpiweb.org 77 http://meetings.oceanreef.com http://meetings.oceanreef.com http://www.mpiweb.org

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of One + May 2011

One + May 2011
Contents
Energy of Many
Impressions
Meeting Design Goes Mobile
Picking Brains
Agenda
Ask the Experts
Thoughts+Leaders
Overheard
Art of Travel
Web Watch
Radical Co-creation
Engagement + Innovation = Wunderbar
Top Spots
Connections
Irrelevant
The Business of Being Social
Safety in Numbers
Ads, Sponsors and Patrons
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
It’s Getting Better All the Time
Blame It on Rio
Ride Free
Learning How the Brain Learns
Just Face It
Becoming Mindful with Your Meetings
Group Think
The Mesh Meeting
Your Community
Making a Difference
Until We Meet Again

One + May 2011