The Connector - Winter 2009 - (Page 21) RWAU Winter 2009 Option 2: The Future of Water in America Shannon Rasmussen, RWAU Event Planner spent a fair amount of time as a child swimming in an irrigation ditch. (That should explain a few things.) Every summer when the Montana temperature hit a luxurious 80 degrees (That was the rule in our house—no swimming in the ditch until it was 80 degrees out. At least we had some standards.) we would grab our inner tubes and run across the lawn answering the irresistible call of the murky 42-degree stream replete with snakes and water skippers. Life was good. Of course I never thought about the cleanliness of our water hole. If a dead varmint or a cow pie showed up, you simply froze in place or moved to the side and waited for it to pass so you could resume the chasing of crawdads or the throwing of frog eggs (I believe they still do these activities in Louisiana, but they call it “going out to dinner.”) We obviously weren’t aware of terms like “culinary,” “secondary,” or “diphtheria.” If I had heard the words “coliform positive” back then I would have thought for sure it was that thing my Mom used to drain spaghetti. Of course that may not be saying much— I suffered from a severe lack of common sense in my early years. And it is an ailment I am afraid I have passed on to my child—bless her little heart. (Note: It is acceptable to say anything about anyone if you follow it immediately with “Bless your little heart.” I Just ask the little old lady next door. She’ll tell you. Then she’ll comment to her friends on how long that took you to figure out, bless your little heart.) So why am I worried about my offspring? Well, for starters, last week during our Sunday dinner we heard some commotion in the living room. We all looked over to see Sydney (my 2 year old daughter) struggling to free herself from a string of mardi-gras beads. She was entwined three times over in a rope of cheap plastic glitter that was pinning one arm above her head and irreparably smashing the left side of her face while she spun in frantic circles attempting escape. “Oh she is definitely yours” I believe was the comment from my brother. So yes, I have my work cut out for me. In fact, I have decided that Sydney will most likely never know the joys of swimming in an irrigation ditch. I mean, you just don’t turn a kid who about kills herself with costume jewelry loose in a drain ditch and expect anything good to come of it. So if she is missing out on the glamorous experiences I had in my youth, what will water mean for her? What role will water play when Syd is old enough to look back on her childhood and realize that she started out with her Mother’s common sense, bless her little heart? It could go one of two ways: 21 Option 1: Water: The New Oil If this comes to pass, when Sydney is my age (22) all I can hope for is that she will be lucky enough to afford the $4.20 per gallon price-tag water will command. Why the major rate increase? Because as our water rights expire, the oil companies will send in agents posing as developers and buy them up one by one in preparation for the release of the first hydrogen-operated motor vehicle. Water in its pure form will be a rare and highly sought after commodity— right up there with the Michael Phelps rookie card. (Of course fitness water infused with carrots will still be available to all Gold’s Gym members and Gatorade will have a new variety that claims it tastes more like water.) Fruit will resemble withered leather pouches, causing older gentlemen across the country to eat their coin purse and put their change in their apple. (Don’t worry—few of them will notice as, without water as a dissolving factor, the “Fixodent and forget it” policy will be strongly in effect.) But, never fear, George Bush XII will attempt to fixify the situation by passing a proposal The Connector
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