California School Counselor - Winter 2008 - (Page 10)

feature Creating Possibilities Through Language Getting more with sugar than with vinegar By Linda Metcalf, M.Ed., Ph.D. Associate Professor and Director, School Counseling Program, Texas Wesleyan University It has long been a motto among many educators that “you will get more with sugar than with vinegar,” when it comes to responses in the classroom. When my daughter was in elementary school, she was enrolled in a gifted program. The ﬁrst day of school I went to meet her as the bell rang signifying the end of the day, only to ﬁnd her teacher speaking softly to the children in her class: “Students, in all my years of teaching, I have never experienced such a wonderful ﬁrst day of school with such wonderful children. We are going to have a great year.” As I approached her and watched inquisitively, she turned to me and said, “Linda, I can’t believe it, they are all angels.” The children glowed, lined up for their bus trip home and seemed to ﬂoat out of their classroom, like angels. Across the hall, I could hear another second grade teacher, who apparently did not have such a favorable day. She wasn’t speaking softly; she was screaming: “This is the ﬁrst day of school and already you are not following the rules. Move here, stay in line, no talking … stop that … ” I again watched inquisitively as the children followed suit to her description and reacted accordingly—disrupting the hallway and giving the teacher a really hard time. Her attempts were too direct; her aﬀect conveyed her frustration and the children responded in kind. While this is also an example of “the snowball eﬀect,” it proves that reinforcing with curiosity and compliments is much more eﬀective. life worked. Your students have diﬃculties identifying times when their lives worked better too. When emotional challenges bother them, they often feel blind to solutions. Whether there are family issues, personal issues, grief, loss, frustration or depression, assisting school clients to notice times in their short lives when things were slightly better can empower them to move quickly toward resolution. The following ideas, based on solution-focused therapy, are helpful when school clients enter your doorway. Solution-focused therapy is a model of working that seeks “exceptions” to problems, instead of focusing on why the problem occurs. Digging into issues is not often feasible with the busy school counselor’s calendar, nor is it always helpful. Such actions merely tell us why something occurs, not how to help. As you glance through these ideas, think of how the phrases used are respectful, comforting and curious. Language Is Powerful We describe our world with language. Ours is a problemfocused world, and many of our students go through their days noticing primarily the obstacles placed in their way. For example, consider for a moment the worst situation you dealt with yesterday. Remember the details? Most of us can recall them easily. Now, consider another situation—the best situation you encountered yesterday or the day before—one that you would like to repeat today or tomorrow. Slightly more diﬃcult? Be assured that you are not alone in having diﬃculties remembering the times 10 1 T 2 E alk about the experiences of the school client as if they were in the past, available for reference, but also workable enough for redesigning in the future. For example: Sue, I certainly understand how moving four times in the past two years has made it diﬃcult for you to feel as if you are a part of the social life at high school. Since I have learned from you today how important it is to feel part of your school, I wonder how you might like things to be diﬀerent now that you know you will be at this school for the next full year at least. ncourage and invite very young children to imagine describing their story to a child in need of a solution. Help change their negative experience into a successful triumph over their problem. The California School Counselor | winter 2008

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of California School Counselor - Winter 2008

California School Counselor - Winter 2008 Contents Presidential Perspectives Jackie’s Jottings Executive Director’s Report Creating Possibilities Through Language The Six C’s Orange County Counselors Form Book Review Legislative Update Research CASC’s 2008 Leadership ASCA Announces Hughes Middle School Memory Tips for School, Work and Life California Commission on Teacher Credentialing Releases Statistics on Pupil Personnel Services Credentials Technology Tips Pics, Clicks and Technics Calendar Index to Advertisers

California School Counselor - Winter 2008

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