Par Excellence Demo

You shall go to the ball, Cinderella (but first you have to get real ) If you wish your partner would share the responsibilities but you’re always stuck with the dishes while he plays golf, then you’re suffering from a Cinderella complex. But there are ways to change the situation and get to the ball I was mostly men. I illustrated the difference want it all, I heard a woman say at a recent between duties at work and at home: Authentic Power workshop. That statement “At work, when you notice someone in a made me realize that this state of mind – of crunch, you help out, pitch in and do more wanting it all and believing that “getting it all” is than is expected. It’s called teamwork,” I said. possible – is creating a lot of guilt and stress. “Why aren’t the same rules applied at home? Women want it all, including balance, and “In contrast, your wife can be sick with the the end result is stress. The guilt comes from flu, the bills piling up, the kids squalling for lack having incongruent values. The woman who of something to eat and you are more worried takes a career break to stay home with her about whose job it is than to be a team player.” children may feel unproductive because she is My final statement hit home: “The things out of the career loop. The woman who travels that you get by with at home would get you or has a high-powered career may believe she fired at work.” is failing as a mother if she doesn’t bake homeI paused decisively to capture the made cookies for the PTA. thoughtful expressions on each man in the The paradox is this: the only way to achieve room. I could almost see the light bulbs above balance is to make choices. The very word their heads as one man raised his hands as if ‘choice’ means giving up one thing to have By Marlene Chism he had just had an epiphany. another. Trying to have it all or be it all is the “My wife was recently sick with the flu very thing that makes balance so elusive. and as a result the laundry was piled up, the bills were unpaid The failure to recognize choices is creating a new disorder and there were no groceries in the house. I thought I was that I call the Cinderella complex: being a good husband by being kind and understanding. I - Believing in what is possible without looking at what is told her that the groceries and laundry could wait until she realistic felt like doing it. She raked me over the coals. I guess I should - Trying to cram your foot into a glass slipper that doesn’t fit have actually done the laundry or shopped for groceries. I just - And waiting to be rescued by Prince Charming. simply considered those things to be her job,” he said. No wonder we all feel so stressed. See what I mean? He did notice – he just didn’t see it as his If you haven’t asked and haven’t reinforced your request by job. refusing to do more than your share, then no wonder you are The experts confirm this dilemma. stuck with a messy house, squalling kids and a load of laundry Arlie Hochschild, a sociology professor at University of while Prince Charming is California at Berkley, in her book ‘The Second Shift’, reports that out golfing. only 20 per cent of men share the chores equally. And 10 per I’ve heard the argument: “I shouldn’t have to ask. When the cent do less than one-third. pot is boiling over, the baby is squalling, the phone is ringing As far as him taking action and actually helping you out and the trash is overflowing. Surely he could just notice.” without being asked – as the song in the musical ‘Cinderella’ Well let me be your fairy godmother. He did notice. It’s just says: “It’s possible”. However, the song is talking about the that he didn’t think of it as his job. After all, he sees himself as possibility of a plain yellow pumpkin becoming a golden king of the castle. This is the first stage of man’s development carriage and four white mice becoming horseman. It may be until a woman helps him to evolve to equal partner status. possible, but it’s also unlikely. Case in point: not long ago I was speaking at a trade show for engineers and facility managers and the audience

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Par Excellence Demo

Par Excellence Demo Contents Why I am Optimistic about Women in Business All the Presidents, Women Maverick Who Took on a Start-Up-and Learned a Valuable Lesson Golf Advice to Women Golfers (And it's Not How to Hit a Ball) Lifestyle You Shall go to the Ball, Cinderella (But First you Have to Get Real...) Travel Health

For optimal viewing of this digital publication, please enable JavaScript and then refresh the page. If you would like to try to load the digital publication without using Flash Player detection, please click here.