Par Excellence Demo

Hochschild says that when men do housework or childcare, they think of it as helping the wife or babysitting their children. She says in her book that most of the time the woman has to ask for the help or remind him to help. In a nutshell, you’re going to have to keep asking for what you want until he gives up his crown or until you quit giving him mixed messages. In fairness to Price C. the real reason for your resentment is that you haven’t identified the real problem: you are trying to live June Cleaver’s life and build a career at the same time. Remember this: she didn’t work. She also didn’t have e-mail, faxes, cell phones and a host of other ‘time saving’ devices competing for her attention. Are you trying to cram your foot into a glass slipper that doesn’t fit any more? Do you believe in what is possible but fail to look at what is realistic? Are you waiting to be rescued? You work full time, care for the kids, pick up the groceries, pay the bills and expect him to change? Why would he? He’s got a good thing going on and he doesn’t plan on being responsible for cleaning the castle and caring for the kids while you go back to law school. He doesn’t buy into that fairy tale and in his mind your nasty looks and sarcastic stabs are a small price to pay to keep the crown. You can’t really blame him, can you? After all, you’re the one who has changed. In frustration you sit in your own little corner in your own little chair trying to figure out why you don’t have an equal partnership at home and you can’t break through the glass ceiling at work. Here’s a hint: it’s tough to break through the glass ceiling at work when you’re wearing glass slippers at home. When you come to this realization, the tide turns. In frustration you revolt. Have you noticed that in women’s history there is always an angry stage just before the change takes place? In an effort to shift the power, you leave the Cinderella role and, to the angst of your Prince, you become the wicked stepmother. My own Prince Charming reminded me of this as I was changing. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” he started, “but I was so much happier when you were not focused on creating your own career. You scare me sometimes.” He’s got a point. What is scary to men is that in the beginning he can ask you a question: “Hey, honey, what’s for dinner?” and that question will lead to a gourmet meal and two hours of lovemaking. However, the same question asked 10 years later is grounds for divorce. “Hey, honey, what’s for dinner? I’m starved!” says your prince. “You think it’s MY job to fix you a meal? I’ve worked all day, too!” you retort. “I didn’t say it was. I just asked a simple question,” he replies. “You are insinuating that because I’m the woman I’m supposed to cook! You say defending your position. “I am not. I just want to know if there’s anything to eat,” he says. “Well, if you would open the fridge you’d see leftovers or cat food. Take your pick!” you exclaim. This angry stage can strengthen or destroy a relationship. How do you know when you have recovered from the Cinderella complex? It is when you realize that if you want equal partnership, it has to work both ways. Maybe he would enjoy staying home with the kids for a year or two. Maybe he Problem identified would like to leave the pressures of being the breadwinner behind. If he feels the freedom to change, he’ll be supportive of the changes you want to make. Leaving behind the fairy tale means there will be disagreements, as there are with any change. There will be power struggles. There will be disappointments. You might have to endure judgment from others about the way that you parent or the way that you keep house or even about the ways your relationship with your husband changes. Because once you find your voice, you no longer have to hint, pout or resort to game-playing to get your way. And the payoff is well worth it: you can both enjoy the castle, your shoes will be more comfortable, your real world will surpass any fairy tale you once dreamed about – and now you can both go out for a game of golf. Marlene Chism is president of ICARE Presentations. She works with people who want to be better communicators and with people who want to build rewarding relationships. To inquire about corporate workshops and keynote speaking, visit the web at www.icareconsult.com http://www.icareconsult.com

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of Par Excellence Demo

Par Excellence Demo Contents Why I am Optimistic about Women in Business All the Presidents, Women Maverick Who Took on a Start-Up-and Learned a Valuable Lesson Golf Advice to Women Golfers (And it's Not How to Hit a Ball) Lifestyle You Shall go to the Ball, Cinderella (But First you Have to Get Real...) Travel Health

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