Pizza Today - December 2015 - 18

with SCOTT WIENER

man on the street

The Menu of My Dreams
Keep it short and sweet

I

grew up in New Jersey, a.k.a.
The Diner State. One of the
prerequisites for a good diner
is an obscenely thick menu, most of
which is cluttered with sterile stock
photos of dishes you'd never think
to order. Although I've never desired
a late-night surf 'n' turf, the diner
experience just wouldn't be complete
without its presence on the menu. As
much as I love the robust nature of a
Jersey diner menu, I feel quite the
opposite when it comes to pizzerias.
My ideal menu is short and sweet.
If you offer predesigned pies, try to
keep variations to a minimum or
I may suffer from menu fatigue. A
dozen or so options is perfect because
it streamlines my decision making
process. That's a big plus for you

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because it minimizes the amount of
time I'm taking up at one of your
tables.
I'm a big fan of menus that are
organized by pizza type. A pizzeria
that offers multiple styles (Sicilian,
thin crust, Roman, pan pizzas, etc.)
is risking major customer confusion
by overcrowding their menu space. It
might even boost your bottom line
to split styles. When I see separate
sections for red and white pizzas I'm
almost definitely going to order one
from each. If you have any house
specialties, either note them in
parentheses or put them in a separate
section. I always ask if there's a pizza
I shouldn't miss, but indicating such
on the menu makes it so much easier
to determine than tracking down a

well-informed server.
I see a lot of menus with overly detailed
descriptions of each item. Rather than wasting all that space with blabber about the
name of the farmer who milked the cow to
make the curds used in your mozzarella, just
list the ingredients as simply and clearly as
possible. You can always arm your servers
with deeper information about each menu
item just in case I ask a question that isn't
answered by the menu. Come tip time, I'll
remember how much I appreciated her depth
of knowledge and she'll end up with more
money in her pocket!
You definitely don't want to clog up your
page, but simple identifiers for common
allergies and food aversions will save you a
lot of grief. You'd think it's enough to simply
list your toppings but you're still going to get
questions from concerned customers who
want to know if there's anchovy in the Caesar
salad or gluten in the pepperoni. Eliminate
potential health concerns and put your
customers at ease by researching your ingredients and accurately indicating vegetarian,
vegan, gluten free, and kosher selections.
The physical design of a menu is just as
important as its content. Contrary to my
position on diners, I'm strongly against
featuring poorly lit stock photos of food on
pizzeria menus. It's also a turn-off when
I see attempts at high design via arty font
selection. I will instantly lose my appetite if
I see Comic Sans or Papyrus on the page. If
you only follow one piece of advice in this
column, please make this the one. Keep your
menu simple so I can make my decision and
get to the most important part of visiting
your restaurant -- eating your delicious
pizza. ■
SCOTT WIENER owns

and operates Scott's Pizza
Tours in New York City.
By JOSH KEOWN
http://www.PIZZATODAY.COM
Pizza Today - December 2015

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