Coastal Traveler - Summer 2008 - (Page 39)

her cheeks crinkled. Her upper lip plumped and curled, revealing a triangle of pink gum tucked between two white teeth, a smile! She reached across the seat and brushed the hair off my brow. At the Big Sur general store Rachel and I bought a bottle of cabernet and pulled off the highway at an overlook. Green and gold hillsides dropped into a Pacific purpled by the fading light. A patch of kelp bobbed in swells beyond the breakers. We spotted sea lions draped across foam-spattered rocks and kissed. Rachel’s lips were light and firm and her tongue was soft. The inside of her mouth was like a clementine. That night we camped on a bluff above a moonlit ocean, but, completely exhausted, we both fell asleep immediately. The following night we stayed in an artsy B&B with red walls, a sleigh bed set behind curtains and a splashy painting hung above a brass tub depicting Adam and Eve holding vegetables over each other’s sex organs. We lit candles and drew a bath, then proceeded to our draped love nest and watched shadows of ourselves play out in the flickering light. On getaways, couples seek seclusion and escape from the routine but perhaps most significantly, according to Dr. Ted McIlvenna, president of the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS) in San Francisco, they’re after sex. Preoccupation and fatigue are the two most important factors contributing to the lack of intimacy in a relationship, he says. On romantic getaways couples are five times more likely to have sex than when at home, according to an IASHS study of 100 couples. “It’s already decided,” says McIlvenna, “you’ve already caught the fish; you don’t have to worry if you’re going to have dinner.” Some sex researchers believe there is more to sex than just creating a cozy spot. When people are stimulated over and over again in the same way it loses its effectiveness, says Erick Janssen, who studies sexuality and desire at the Kinsey Institute. One way to reduce habituation is through use of imagination, he says. That could mean buying fancy lingerie, burning candles and playing melodic music, trying a new position or going on a romantic getaway. The mere effort of planning a getaway, and knowing you will be away with a lover, acts to turn lovers on. “There is something arousing in both of you engaging in the trip and wanting to make it work,” Janssen says. The ultimate question is how to make the thrill of the getaway last forever. As soon as you go back to your normal surroundings the honeymoon is over, McIlvenna says. The institute’s research shows that when couples return to their routines, sex returns to pregetaway levels. Maybe Janssen is correct; to keep the blood boiling couples must constantly be changing the stimulus. Perhaps the only way to sustain intimacy is to be continuously getting away. These thoughts were on my mind the morning after the sleigh bed as Rachel and I sat alone at the pinewood table in the B&B while a kinesiology student diced tomatoes and onions for our breakfast. The next day we were both due back at work. But that night, rather than head home, with a blood red moon rising above the inky Pacific and an ethereal fog creeping over the hillsides, we fled further south, seeking fresh and novel vistas, and a chance, perhaps, to really get away. Our escape didn’t last. Back at the office I was now even busier. In addition to my newspaper work, I had to start writing the romantic getaway piece. There was even less time for Rachel. More road trips were out of the question, I couldn’t even keep a dinner date. We planned a Thai meal in the city but I was late getting off work; by the time we got to the restaurant it had closed. I ran ahead searching frantically for someplace open. We fought over whether or not to enter a tapas bar. She began crying. I punched a pole. Two months after our trip down the California coast Rachel and I broke up and she returned to New York. I left my job some time later and drove back across the country alone. In Texas I camped on a windswept ridge above the Rio Grande, and the sky screamed red. This time there was no one to make love to. Instead, I did what I had done all along; I picked up a pen and wrote. summer coastaltraveler 39

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Coastal Traveler - Summer 2008 Contents Coastal Connoisseur Coastal Picks Coastal Art Coastal Flyer Coastal Sex Coastal Eco Coastal Surfer Coastal Adventurer Coastal Snaps San Diego La Jolla Laguna Beach Malibu Santa Barbara San Luis Obispo Big Sur Carmel Monterey Santa Cruz San Francisco Sausalito Mill Valley Stinson Beach Bolinas Olema Point Reyes Station Fairfax Inverness Marshall, Tomales Sebastopol Petaluma Sonoma Coast Redwood Coast

Coastal Traveler - Summer 2008

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