Pet Owner's World 2008 - (Page 7) Miscellaneous The Laws of Physics Humor as they apply to cats! The Law of Cat Inertia. A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force—such as the opening of a can of cat food. The Law of Cat Motion. A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. The Law of Cat Magnetism. All blue blazers and black sweaters attract white cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. The Law of Cat Thermodynamics. Heat flows from a warmer body to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, whereby all heat flows to the cat. The Law of Cat Stretching. A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. The Law of Cat Elongation. A cat can make its body long enough to reach just about any surface that has anything remotely interesting on it. The Law of Cat Acceleration. A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until it gets good and ready to stop. The First Law of Energy Conservation. Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. The Second Law of Energy Conservation. Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. The Law of Refrigerator Observation. If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. The Law of Cat Occupancy. All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. The Law of Cat Embarrassment (I = E x L). A cat’s irritation (I) rises in direct proportion to its embarrassment (E) times the amount of human laughter (L). The Law of Furniture Replacement. A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. The Law of Cat Disinterest. A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends trying to interest it. The Law of Pill Rejection. Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. The Law of Cat Composition. A cat is composed of Matter + AntiMatter + It Doesn’t Matter. The Law of Selective Hearing. Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, it can’t hear a simple command three feet away. The Law of Cat Invisibility. Cats think that if they can’t see you, then you can’t see them. The Law of Space-Time Continuum. Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space. The Law of Concentration of Mass. A cat’s mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap it occupies. The Law of Obedience Resistance. A cat’s resistance to obeying commands varies in proportion to a human’s desire for it to do something. The Law of Cat Obedience. As yet undiscovered. 2008 • Pet Owner’s WORLD
For optimal viewing of this digital publication, please enable JavaScript and then refresh the page. If you would like to try to load the digital publication without using Flash Player detection, please click here.