YouthWorker Journal - March/April 2009 - (Page 48) CRISIS HEALING THE HEALER Combating the Myths that Prevent Youth Workers from Dealing with Our Own Pain by David Fraze Horrific Tragedies “Oh my God! were the last words a student reported coming from my lips just before the impact. A truck pulling a trailer crossed the road’s center line, slamming into our side, pulling its trailer deep through the interior of our bus. When we finally came to a stop, the scene I witnessed resembled more of a war zone than a weekend youth retreat—six of our students were fatally wounded, many others injured and everyone facing a long journey of emotional healing. As youth minister, I had to work through my own grief while walking with others through their own pain.” Youth Worker Grief Horrific ministry tragedies or common disappointments can leave a youth worker struggling to find a space in which to deal with his or her own emotional issues. Because teens and families count on youth workers to be focal points, compasses and encyclopedias throughout grief journeys, youth workers’ needs easily can be overlooked and covered with the business of ministry. Regardless, youth workers have to take seriously their need for self-care. Like a splinter, the pain of loss will work its way out. You can’t stop it; you have to deal with it. There are three myths that keep youth ministers from working through their own pain of loss. These myths are easy Common Disappointments to spot but difficult to defeat because of the strong desire youth “I was not supposed to hear the words, ‘He is not the quality of workers have to serve and please people. speaker we need for this event’; but I did and it hurt—a lot. I really admire the person who spoke these words. I much Myth #1: I Can’t Deal with My Pain Right Now rather would have accepted critique from him than to be left You can’t afford not to deal with your pain. Youth workers questioning my ability as a speaker. If he questioned my who choose to push their grief aside turn into hurt, bitter, quality, then perhaps others did, as well. Later that year I was angry, self-destructive and paranoid people. John* was a youth asked to speak at the same conference with him. I could not volunteer supreme. He had a contagious passion for teenagers. help but wonder if he thought I was ‘good enough’ to be on the He was creative. He was available for service at a moment’s same stage with him. Even so, I had to find a way to deal with notice. He even loved lock-ins. my own uneasiness and pain while fulfilling my commitment He was on the scene and was affected deeply by a horrible to the conference.” accident in which teenagers died. At first, he dealt with his 48 March/April 2009 | YouthWorkerJournal.com http://www.YouthWorkerJournal.com
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