YouthWorker Journal - March/April 2009 - (Page 41)

“When people clapped and cheered, she felt like she was special—like she was loved and valued and worth something.” with her against her will. It was a night she never would forget. Aftermath of an Attack Kat walked away from that experience a different girl. She thought it was her fault. In a matter of seconds her world was turned upside-down and nothing would ever be the same—not her family, her friends, her school, God and especially the way she viewed herself. In the days and months that followed, she felt surrounded by a thick, dark fog. She felt the beating of a constant pain inside her. Two weeks later, Kat was getting ready to sing a solo at church when Dave walked in. He came over to her and said, “I never loved you. It’s over,” and walked away. She stood in disbelief. She wanted to scream at him, but she couldn’t find any words. She loved him and hated him at the same time, which left her confused and devastated. She fell deeper into the fog and even contemplated suicide. Kat didn’t know how to handle all the pain she was feeling. She started doing things she’d never done before— ditching school, sneaking out in the middle of the night, drinking, experimenting with drugs and hooking up with random guys. “It was like I was trying to drown out my pain with anything that might distract me,” Kat recalls. “But I couldn’t escape the pain, and people started to notice.” It wasn’t long before her parents, who loved her deeply, were catching her in her own lies. She was grounded for days, weeks and even months; but it didn’t make her change. In fact, it made her rebel even more. As an innocent 9-year-old, Kat had dreamed of being Annie. As an infatuated 14-year-old, she’d lost her virginity against her will. Suddenly, she was 18—a legal adult—and her life was spinning out of control. A Destructive Secret The date rape was still her secret. No one knew what had happened with Dave. Kat tried to cover her pain and brokenness by performing even more, trying to appear like she had it all together. She sang her heart out to get applause and dated every willing guy—anything to make her feel accepted and loved. When she was 19, Kat started attending a Christian college on a vocal music scholarship. She experienced a lot of changes when she started school there. During her first semester, something unexplainable happened. Overnight, she lost her singing voice. Doctors couldn’t explain the loss. She saw the top vocal specialist in Los Angeles, and his words shocked her. “Kat, you will never sing again.” She listened in disbelief. “What do you mean I’ll never be able to sing again?” she asked. “There’s got to be something you can do. I’m a singer! That’s what I’m supposed to do with my life!” But there was nothing any doctor could do. No Longer Alone A week after hearing the news from her doctor, Kat found herself sitting in the college chapel, listening to a woman who shared her own story of being date raped. Kat sat, with her stomach in knots, as the woman spoke of how her experience had led her to look for love and acceptance from men to ease her pain. She said it had taken years for her to realize and accept how deeply God loved her. “As I listened, I felt like she was telling my story. For the very first time, I realized what had happened to me when I was 14 wasn’t my fault.” The words rang through her ears: It was not my fault. It was not my fault. Kat ran to her dorm room, grabbed her teddy bear and curled into a ball. She cried until she had no tears left, and then she called her mom. Kat could barely speak the words of her long-locked secret: “Mom…I…was… date…raped.” It was the first time she had told anyone. Her mom comforted her over the phone. She reminded Kat of how much she and her dad loved her, and said they’d do whatever it took to get her the help she needed. “You’re going to be OK, Honey. It’s going to be alright.” Kat felt a strange sense of peace for the first time in a long time. The next day Kat began meeting with a counselor. Week by week, month by month, year by year, her life began to change. She learned a lot in those years. She learned that keeping that secret— what had happened to her at age 14—was only hurting her. She learned to trust herself. She learned to have faith in God again. Eventually, she learned she could forgive Dave. She learned her true identity was not as a singer, a girlfriend, a student or a successful career woman. Her identity was as the woman God created her to be—with gifts, talents and abilities she could use to make a difference in the world. Jen Howver is a youth ministry volunteer and writer living in Chicago. Megan Hutchinson is a student minister at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California. This article is adapted from their book, Secret Survivors: Real-Life Stories to Give You Hope for Healing, with permission from Zondervan/Youth Specialties. YouthWorkerJournal.com | March/April 2009 41 http://www.YouthWorkerJournal.com

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of YouthWorker Journal - March/April 2009

YouthWorker Journal - March/April 2009 Contents Feedback Youth Culture Update Culture Watch Encountering God Campus Ministry The Urban Take Sight Unseen Worldview Soul Care Managing Your Ministry 10 Minutes in God's Word From IQ to CQ Caring Amidst Crisis Risky Business When Tragedy Gets Personal Deaths in the Family Stopping Suicide Blessed Are They Who Mourn Healing the Healer Resources for Working with Crisis Tools Stirring it Up

YouthWorker Journal - March/April 2009

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