YouthWorker Journal - March/April 2009 - (Page 49)

grief, but the pressure to help others slowly took up the space he had created to deal with his own pain. When asked to back off from ministry and deal with his grief, it turned ugly. He did not last long in ministry, and his marriage failed. Myth #2: I Have To Be Strong There are times when youth workers need to suppress their feelings and provide a strong presence. Such demonstrations of strength are needed in the midst of a sudden crisis in which clear thinking and direction are needed. However, strength should not be defined by keeping one’s emotions suppressed. Ask yourself, “Are you stronger and better at dealing with the pain of loss than Jesus?” Remember, Jesus wept. Myth #3: I Don’t Have Time To Stop Do you not have time to stop, or are you afraid of what you will find if you do? Josh* and Susan* have been involved in youth ministry for a long time. Even though they knew better, there have been times in which they have turned up the pace of ministry in order to avoid an emotional confrontation with loss. As a result, their friends did not recognize the couple’s need for support. This left them feeling isolated and hurt by their friend’s perceived lack of concern. Some time off could have saved Josh and Susan a lot of heartache. In the face of ministry pressures, Jesus “often withdrew to lonely places and prayed (Luke 5:16).” We would do well to follow His example. Finding a Safe Place To Grieve While fully divine, Jesus was also fully human and had to deal with ministry disappointments and grief. Jesus found and created safe places in which personal healing and comfort could take place. A safe place is a physical, spiritual and/or relationship location in which one can express his or her feelings of loss openly without fear of judgment. Jesus found safety in friends and family, select leaders, counselors (Holy Spirit, Moses/Elijah) and in the practice of spiritual disciplines. Take an inventory of the safe places available to you. Safe Place Inventory Friends and family. Who are the people who love and support you because of who you are and not what you do? Select Leaders. In some situations, it is wise to find leaders outside your particular church to help assure safety and objectivity. Who are the select leaders who love you for who you are and not what you do? Counselor. If you are suffering from the consequences created by practicing youth ministry grief myths, it may be time to refer yourself to a counselor. With whom are you most comfortable talking? Spiritual Disciplines. It sometimes takes a crisis to bring the disciplines back into play. In the following lists, circle and begin to practice the disciplines you believe will provide the best opportunity for allowing God to join you in your journey through grief (Willard, The Spirit of the Disciplines, 158). Disciplines of Abstinence Solitude Silence Fasting Frugality Chastity Secrecy Sacrifice Disciplines of Engagement Study Worship Celebration Service Prayer Fellowship Confession Submission CONCLUSION Satan knows that working through the pain of loss will make you a stronger, more joyful and more effective youth worker. To combat this, he will attempt to use the myths to keep you isolated in your pain so your life and ministry become a constant discouragement. Be assured you are not alone in your pain. While your need for healing may rise out of a unique situation, know that every youth minister has had seasons of ministry in which healing was needed. Henry Nouwen wrote, “We do not know where we will be two, 10 or 20 years from now. What we can know, however, is that man suffers and that a sharing of suffering can make us move forward” (Nouwen, The Wounded Healer, 100). Move forward in your suffering. Blessings to you as you confront the myths, take inventory of and begin to access the safe places in your life. The journey most likely will not be an orderly walk through the steps of grief; it does not work that way. However, it does work. There is healing available for the healer. In the end, your ministry to teenagers will be stronger and your relationship with the Lord deeper. *Not his/her real name. An expanded version of this article appears on www.YouthWorker.com. David Fraze, D.Min., Fuller Seminary, currently works as the director of Student Ministries at the Richland Hills (Texas) Church of Christ and is a presenter for ParenTeen Seminars. David is a writer who has contributed articles for the Fuller Youth Institute; www.Youthspecialties.com and ENGAGE, the quarterly journal of Fuller’s Center for Parent/Youth Understanding. YouthWorkerJournal.com | March/April 2009 49 http://www.YouthWorker.com http://www.Youthspecialties.com http://www.YouthWorkerJournal.com

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of YouthWorker Journal - March/April 2009

YouthWorker Journal - March/April 2009 Contents Feedback Youth Culture Update Culture Watch Encountering God Campus Ministry The Urban Take Sight Unseen Worldview Soul Care Managing Your Ministry 10 Minutes in God's Word From IQ to CQ Caring Amidst Crisis Risky Business When Tragedy Gets Personal Deaths in the Family Stopping Suicide Blessed Are They Who Mourn Healing the Healer Resources for Working with Crisis Tools Stirring it Up

YouthWorker Journal - March/April 2009

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