'MO - October 2008 - (Page 21)

Marie Hartung, Katrina, and sons Jack and Jasper. laws don’t really help lesbian and gay families, Marie and her former-partner had opted not to get one. “I don’t really see a humongous beneﬁt in domestic partnerships. I think they’re hokey. People have to carry a card that they have to ﬂash to prove they’re married. It’s like NaziGermany. I don’t want to carry a card.” Then, Marie and Katrina separated and the family found itself in an unusual situation. “We didn’t get sent to family court but ended up in civil court which is not child centric, not sensitive to family issues. In civil court it’s more like a business dividing assets than separating a family,” Marie said. ARE QUEER PARENTS SERIOUS? Areas like King County are known for being warm to lesbian adoptions but Marie lives in Snohomish County. During their second-parent adoption, she felt the judge was “perfunctory” and he questioned them regarding whether the couple was “serious” about parenthood. This sentiment is one that particularly disturbs gay parents. “We are choosing to be families,” says Larry Nicholas, who also is one of the teachers in the Conscious Fathering program at Swedish Hospital, “I think there needs to be a distinction made for those who are making a conscious choice.” This emphasis on intention is shared across the community. “There are no whoops adoptions,” said Ann Lawrence followed by agreement from Attorney Barbara Wechsler. “Every child that comes to an adopted family is intended.” The tendency of the courts to favor heterosexual styles of procreation rankles many. “The whole thing is odd because heterosexuals don’t have to go through homeinspections and psychologists analyzing you and writing reports. They don’t have to have anyone counsel or interrogate or question them on becoming parents. Maybe they should. It is an unequal ﬁnancial burden. Then, after all the investigations and reporting, you have to roll the dice and hope you get a good judge,” said Marie Hartung. PARENTING RESOURCES November is national adoption month. To learn more about bringing a child into your life or to ﬁnd parenting support and local playdates, you might try the resources listed below. Child Welfare Information Gateway Gay and Lesbian Adoptive Parents: Resources for Professionals and Parents www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_gay/ index.cfm Families Like Ours PO Box 3137 Renton, WA 98056 425-793-7911 support@familieslikeours.org www.familieslikeours.org Feather Boa Fathers www.featherboafathers.com info@featherboafathers.com Gay Fathers Association of Seattle PMB 1270 1122 E Pike St Seattle WA 98122 www.gfas.org Gay Parent Magazine 718-380-1780 gayparentmag@gmail.com www.gayparentmag.com Lavender Families Resource Network PO Box 21567 Seattle, WA 98111 206-325-2643 Rainbow Families of Puget Sound 1463 E. Republican St. #B39 Seattle, WA 98112 866-896-1430 www.rainbowfamiliesps.org Seattle Lesbian Moms lesbianmoms.meetup.com/149 Tacoma Lesbian Concern PO Box 947 Tacoma, WA 98401 Contact Name: Anne Gallup 253-752-6724 acg0135@home.com www.tacomalesbianconcern.org FINDING A VILLAGE Fatherhood had such an impact on the lives of Larry Nicholas and Tom Underhill that they were inspired to help start their own support group, Feather Boa Fathers. Inspired by the Pop Luck Club in Los Angeles, the group has 125 members made up of both dads and men intending to become dads. Along with play-dates for the kids, Feather Boa Fathers also has dads-only cocktail parties and classes like “Discipline from the Heart,” and other parenting techniques. “Society is not always supportive of the idea of two dads together. We’re not really accepted in the gay community either. A lot of our gay friends dropped out of the picture once we had kids. We don’t often go out for a drink so we’ve lost that commonality of the bars. Right now our lives are about things like diapers and preschools.” In addition to Feather Boa Fathers, local groups include Seattle Lesbian Moms and Rainbow Families of Puget Sound but there are many more (see sidebar for details). No, it’s not all protest marches and circuit parties anymore. Modern queer culture is increasingly about play dates, school clothes and ﬁnding a good pediatrician. This is not the ﬁrst time that lesbian and gay parents have loved and raised children but perhaps it is the ﬁrst time that this community has done so openly. Whether they know it or not, these families are pioneers who are writing an irrevocable legacy into human history, one hug, one heart and one home at a time. moseattle.com 21 issue 20 | october 2008 http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_gay/index.cfm http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_gay/index.cfm http://www.familieslikeours.org http://www.featherboafathers.com http://www.gfas.org http://www.gayparentmag.com http://www.rainbowfamiliesps.org http://lesbianmoms.meetup.com/149 http://www.tacomalesbianconcern.org http://www.moseattle.com

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of 'MO - October 2008

'MO- October 2008 Contents Letter From The Editor Voices ’mo-BIZ: MGS Consulting Services GLAAD To Be Aboard Pet Project Instant Activist Sports: Jet City Hoops Tips Off Pro-Equality Candidates Philadelphia Is All About The Love Parenthood Form & Function: Strip It Off For The Holidays Gay City Health Project: Gay Men’s Health Summit The 13th Annual Seattle Lesbian & Gay Film Festival Capitol Hill Guide SceneOut: People@Places Q&A With Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark ’mo-Single Q&A

'MO - October 2008

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