'MO - February 2009 - (Page 14)

your health matters Click here to comment on these stories. GAY CIT Y HEALTH PROJECT Race Rela t ions February is Black History Month, a time when we celebrate the contributions and achievements of African-Americans in our country, and also acknowledge the struggles. With the exception of the national dialogue that took place during this past election boys. The choice to start a family made me question myself at the time, wondering: Am I conforming to a heterosexual model? Am I assimilating? Am I not as visible as a gay man anymore? I also thought about my kids: How do I protect my children from racism? How do I provide my children with a connection to their history? The stares, questions, and comments we experienced as a family soon proved that indeed, we are a visible, gay, and multiracial family, and that we would have to step up to the challenges. Public spaces always prove to be interesting; watching strangers’ faces go from confusion to realization as they figure out what we are. While standing next to my sons in line at the airport, I hear a stranger ask them, “Are you boys traveling alone?” “Uh, … no,” says my son, as if this man has just asked the stupidest question ever. “We’re with our dads,” he replies, motioning to my partner and me. Our fellow passenger looks puzzled. Going through the checkout at the grocery store, a friendly cashier makes conversation with the four of us. “So does mom have the day off?” “There is no mom,” I say, smiling politely. Well, at least she assumed that one of us could be married to a black woman, not completely dismissing the idea we are a family. Occasionally these situations are less ambiguous. The more blatant racism I encounter verifies that I am not, in fact, over analyzing. For example, I used to get my haircut at a barbershop owned by two gay, Latino men; it’s the last place I would expect to feel uncomfortable. Yet while one of the guys is cutting my hair, I hear his boyfriend begin to tell a joke. “Hey Juan, you know why black kids have such big lips?” Juan quickly interrupts, “Not now David.” He knows my sons are African-American. I can feel blood rushing to my brain, as if my head will explode. I need to say something but I am not sure what will come out of my mouth. He finished the joke. I don’t think I heard the punchline, or at least I don’t remember it. All I remember thinking is you are hurting someone I love, and you should know better. Our interactions with the world are certainly not all negative. Once at a pet store, a middle-aged woman with a thick Brooklyn accent stopped us in the aisle. “Are these your beautiful boys?” she enthusiastically asked us, gesturing to the kids. We nodded. “Good for you!” she replied, giving the knowing wink of a PFLAG parent perhaps. “Good. For. You!” I realize that these telling encounters, and our experiences with racism and homophobia will continue. My sons may encounter ridicule for having gay fathers. They may at some point feel “not black enough” because their parents are white. They may hear one of our gay friends insist that he’s “not racist, but just not into black guys.” And eventually, they will make me aware of their own sexual orientations, possibly joining my community. Meanwhile, I try to prepare them for a world that insists that the color of their skin and who they love is of major significance, and yet impart to them that while this is certainly true, in an ideal world it probably shouldn’t be. To that end, we all have some work to do. Jeff Rinderle is communications director at Gay City Health Project. The Rinderle Family in 2004: (L to R) (back row) Erik and Jeff, (front row) Allen and Robbie. season, it may also be one of the few times when many white Americans consciously think about race. Many white Americans don’t consider racism, discrimination, or stereotypes on a daily basis; it’s part of our privilege as white people to be able to ignore such things. Even as members of the LGBT community, we may be aware of our own oppression as sexual minorities, but we don’t always make the connections between homophobia and other social injustices. Eight years ago, my then partner and I adopted African-American twins—two Anonymous & Free HIV Testing Call 206.860.6969 or drop into to make an appointment, Gay City Health Project at 511 E Pike Street 1 celebrating seattle’s gay community http://www.gaycity.org

Table of Contents Feed for the Digital Edition of 'MO - February 2009

'MO - February 2009 Contents Letter From The Editor Voices Pet Project Gay Softball League Seeks New Players Instant Activist: Two Opportunities to Make a Difference Bailey-Boushay’s Chefs’ Dinner Pulls in More Than $285,000 GLSEN Releases Report on LGBT Students of Color Gay City Health Project: Race Relations Form & Function: Partner Workout Power Couple: Senator Ed Murray and Michael Shiosaki Montréal The ’mo Interview: Joe DiPietro New on DVD: Tru Loved Coming to CD/DVD: The Annie Lennox Collection SceneOut: People@Places AIDS Awareness & Action Day 2009 Capitol Hill Guide

'MO - February 2009

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