ILMA Compoundings July 2018 - 39

High Quality
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Saturate levels have increased substantially and provide
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Index
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But the subject of the emotional
outburst of the eldest brother had
been fearfully ignored. Finally, a brave
brother-in-law raised his hand and
suggested: "Nobody leaves without
approval." We each held our breath,
but the eldest brother nodded in
agreement. The rules were approved
unanimously.
Two months later, we met to review
the first draft of a family constitution that
would serve as the foundation of the family's governance system. The entire family
was in attendance. At the beginning of
the meeting, we reviewed the rules of
communication and each raised a hand
to signal that he or she agreed to follow
the rules during family meetings. 
The meeting went very well until
early in the afternoon when touching
on the topic of family compensation.
Unexpectedly, a sister stood up and
announced that she was tired of the
meeting and hearing about her siblings
"living in la la land" while she had
to "struggle through every day." She
headed for the door (which, luckily,
was on the other side of a large room)

while the family watched her in
frustrated silence.
Who came to the rescue? None
other than the brave brother-in-law,
brandishing the Rules of Communication as his sword of level-headed
truth. "Jane," he said quietly but
firmly, "we all agreed to the Rules of
Communication and we agreed that
the rules rule. Please, for the sake of
your family and for this process, stay
here and work with us. We need and
want your help." Jane stopped and
scowled at him before sitting down
in a vacant chair near the door, purse
and car keys in hand. She stayed
put for the rest of the meeting, only
to bolt out the door the instant it
ended. Two of her sisters were able to
catch up to see what was bothering
her. It turned out that she and her
husband were in the middle of a
significant financial challenge that
was causing her great stress.
Rules of communication, when
created through an inclusive process
and agreed to by all decision-makers,
can save a family meeting from falling

apart and becoming a wasted, frustrating use of time and energy. They create
an expectation of professionalism in
an otherwise emotion-filled gathering. Without them, the frustrated,
brave brother-in-law might have said
"Jane, sit down! You've always been
a drama queen!" or something else
insensitive and hurtful. 
Do your family a favor: If you already
have rules of communication, dust them
off and review them prior to your next
family meeting. If you don't have them,
set aside a half hour in your next meeting and create them. As a result, your
meetings will be more productive and
respectful and your time spent together
will be more rewarding.
Telford is a principal
consultant at The Family
Business Consulting Group.
Adapted from an article of the
same name which appears online
at The Family Business Consulting
Group's blog on family business.

39
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ILMA Compoundings July 2018

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of ILMA Compoundings July 2018
