POWER August 2011 - 79

CLASSIC MARMADUKE
Marmy's One-Squirt Celebration
Steve Elonka began chronicling the exploits of Marmaduke Surfaceblow-a
six-foot-four marine engineer with a steel brush mustache and a foghorn
voice-in POWER in 1948, when Marmy raised the wooden mast of the
SS Asia Sun with the help of two cobras and a case of Sandpaper Gin.
Marmy's simple solutions to seemingly intractable plant problems remain
timeless. This Classic Marmaduke story, published more than 50 years
ago, reminds us that an overhaul or startup may not go as planned, but it
can still have a happy ending.
" B
ilgewater on dedications, " roared
Marmaduke Surfaceblow in his
foghorn voice. " I'll tell you armchair
engineers about a dedication that almost
turned out to be the plant's requiem. "
This blast took place yesterday while I was
having a corned beef and cabbage luncheon
at the Bent Propeller Bar, famous waterfront
hangout. Effect of Marmy's sudden explosion
was immediate and complete. It seemed that
the earth itself had stopped spinning. What
had been a raucous babble of voices suddenly
turned into the stillness of a tomb. Only thing
important was that the cantankerous old fox
of a consulting engineer was about to sound
off, so every word must be heard.
Thus suddenly propelled into the limelight,
the old gent stood at the crowded bar,
his 6-ft 4-in. frame straight as an arrow, with
his battered gray derby crowning his shock
of unruly hair. Marmy leisurely put down
his bottle of Sandpaper Gin and turned his
back to the bar. Then, surveying his audience
deliberately, he hooked his huge thumbs into
the armpits of his checkered vest. Satisfied
he had the undivided attention of us mortal
earthlings, he began to sound off with a blast
that shook the bar.
" Now hear this, " he roared. " Back in 1947
I was installation engineer for an American
manufacturer at a large industrial plant in
Tabuzun, Dhekire. We had just installed a
steam turbine-generator unit. Soon as the
new machine was running the top brass decided
to celebrate by homage to Divirki, their
local Goddess of Power. "
" A week before the big day they started
decorating with leaves, flowers and branches
from sacred plants and trees. Seemed like
acres of jungle were cleared of vegetation.
The joint looked and smelled more like a giant
greenhouse than any respectable power
plant had a right to look and smell. "
" Celebration was to be started off in the
traditional way, by sacrificing a goat. The
animal's carcass was then to be rationed out
to the plant personnel to take home. But the
August 2011 | POWER
important thing was to make the sacrifice according
to Hoyle. That called for someone to
straddle the goat amidships and, facing forward,
to yank back the animal's head with his
left hand while using his right hand to slash
the goat's throat with a sharp ceremonial
knife. Zab Zakho, the chief engineer, was to
do the honors, with Amar Azizlya, the chief
electrician, assisting with the proceedings. "
" When the great day arrived everyone
from miles around showed up, including the
village officials. Because the sacrifice had to
take place inside the powerhouse next to the
new unit, there was standing room only. "
" Everyone was in a festive mood. The
great moment arrived. Zakho strode forward
majestically, waving his goat sticker. Then,
straddling the goat, he yanked the unhappy
animal's head back by its chin whiskers and
was about to slash its throat. But at that instant
my native assistant, Hulbi Banner, whipped
a squirt can filled with carbon tetrachloride
from behind his back. Taking deadly aim, he
squirted at the goat's stern section. BULL'S
EYE! That squirt started a chain reaction of
events that no one present will forget. "
" Being energized so unexpectedly, the
goat took one mighty leap, heading in the
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direction of the Goddess Divriki's heavenly
throne. Zakho suddenly found himself riding
the goat for three mighty jumps. Then,
just as suddenly, his chin hooked over a wire
stretched across the room that was loaded
down with decorations. The greatly surprised
and most unfortunate chief crash-landed flat
on his hull and conked out with the speed of
a ruptured fuse. "
" The goat couldn't be bothered with Zakho,
and cared less. He kept making knots,
trying to escape from that carbon tet that
was corroding his poop deck. About halfway
to the other end of the building he aimed for
a side window. But the main exciter set got
in his way. By then the goat had too much
steam up. He tried to stop, but his brakes
wouldn't hold. "
" That plant used one main exciter at a time
for all five of its old machines. The exciter
was driven by a small impulse shaft-coupling
and generator brush-gear. The flying goat
landed on a governor drive belt. The belt flew
off and the belt safety started shutting down
the unit, and the plant. Carbon brushes and
pieces of goat went flying in all directions. "
" At that exact moment the big crane was
passing overhead. We'd had trouble just a few
79
" Zakho strode forward majestically and straddled the goat amidships, " guffawed Marmaduke.

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POWER August 2011

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of POWER August 2011