BALANCE_DECEMBER_2019 - 31

THE RISE
O F D I G I TA L
DAT I N G
BALANCE explores the world of "swiping
right" and "woofing" so you can find the one

A

lthough online dating remains can feel a little taboo,
one in five of us are now "matching" with our
partners, double that of 10 years ago. This rise rides
tandem with the advent of Tinder, Plenty of Fish,
Grindr, Hinge and many more. Since 2009, hundreds of apps
have appeared offering users the opportunity to form new
relationships. We've interviewed people who met their partners
digitally to explore the vice and virtues of digital dating.

SUSAN, 61, MET HER
FIANCÉ ON GUARDIAN
S O U L M AT E S
Why did you sign up to Guardian
Soulmates to find love ? I felt like there
was no other way to meet people,
especially at my age.
Can you tell us "your story"? I dated
a few guys and had a lot of fun, but they
weren't suitable for anything long-term.
Then, as I was about to give up on the
online dating thing a profile popped up
that really piqued my interest. Every
word rang true and he seemed so honest
and open, that exceptionally I "liked"
him. In time, after some chats via the
platform, we exchanged email addresses
and then mobile numbers. I found that
he was honest, open and somewhat
reserved, but I detected qualities that I
had decided were essential in any future
partner. We met on 12 June 2017 and
have been inseparable ever since. We are
getting married on a midwinter's day in
front of our friends and family with our
children as bridesmaid and best man.
What advice would you give to fellow
online daters? Always be truthful and
choose people whose profiles ring true.

J A M E S B A R L E Y, 3 6 ,
M E T H I S PA RT N E R O F
3 YEARS ON SCRUFF

WORDS Libby Williams SOURCES visualcapitalist.com, infogram.com

M I SS I O N M ATC H TIP S FROM
SA M OW EN
Identify your relationship
goals.
Write down the sort of
partner you are looking for
and relationship you want. It
will help you to easily make
good decisions when you do
meet people online and
when you go for that first
date. Decide which items on
your list are nice-to-haves,
which are must-haves for
you and your deal-breakers.

intelligence and good
relationship outcomes.
Inauthenticity is linked with
narcissism, Machiavellianism,
and psychopathy - not the
vibe you want to give out!

Be your authentic self.
Behaving as the real you
prevents anxiety, builds trust
and is much easier to be
than a fake version of
yourself. Research also
suggests that authenticity is
linked to emotional

Make your profile stand out.
Give insights into who you
are that helps people to
think, "He/she sounds like a
good match!" Move away
from generic descriptions
and consider telling them
something about yourself

30

Give people a chance.
If you really like their profile,
it's better to try a few
different ways to build
rapport and then move on if
you still don't get anywhere.

that speaks about the values
and personality you have.
Treat it like any other goal.
Research finds that when we
set specific markers, we're
more likely to achieve them.
So, have an ideal deadline
for finding the relationship
you're looking for and for
your online dating activity.
For example, 'I'll contact
one person I'm interested
in, every Monday and
Wednesday between 8pm
and 9pm. Be proactive and
be consistent.
Sam Owen is a relationship
coach and author of Happy
Relationships (Orion Spring,
£14.99)

Why did you turn to dating apps? On
nights out I noticed that men in bars and
clubs were either there with partners or
looking at their phones. So I thought,
why not join them? I had three apps
downloaded: Grindr, Scruff and Tinder.
How did you and your partner meet?
After a horrible break-up, I thought I
would never find someone again. I put it
down to the split, which left me
financially worse off, too. After a year
of "matches", "likes", and "woofs", I
matched with my partner. The banter
was there from the get-go - he was
funny, warm and intelligent and I knew
he would be a significant part of my life.
What advice would you give to a past
you when it comes to digital dating?
Don't send things you wouldn't share
with friends or family. Some people who
just want one thing (eggplant emoji!).
What do you think makes the perfect
profile? Honesty and a decent real-life
photo... no editing and applying filters!
http://www.infogram.com http://www.visualcapitalist.com
BALANCE_DECEMBER_2019

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