Dentaltown March 2022 - 38

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jawbreaker
Member Since: 10/06/01
Post: 53 of 142
I've heard it said that you and your intended should wallpaper a bathroom together. If you're
both still speaking to each other and are both alive at the end, it might work! Let her make the
little decisions (where you'll live, how big a house, what you'll name the kids, where they'll go
to school, where you go on vacation) and you make the big decisions (what to do about global
warming, should we invade Cuba, what to do about Russia and China), and you'll both be
happy. That's what we've done for 54 years and I've yet to make any big decisions!
Congrats, best wishes and good luck! ■
12/23/2021
fl iegenfi schen
Member Since: 05/15/07
Post: 54 of 142
Here's my random advice after being married for about four years. Man, I think marriage is
harder than running an offi ce. I think many people, including myself, think and hope that their
spouse will change with certain things. Nah. Go order the book 10 Great Dates Before You Say
" I Do " and do those dates. You will fi nd values that you may have not discussed. Those values
that you fi nd out are different, they will not change. I am fi nally accepting it and just going with
it. Just accept it. She is different from you and some things will never make sense.
The next advice comes from a guy's perspective. It is true what my friends said: Whatever
you have or do before marriage sets the baseline. If you like to fi sh, hunt, take trips with your
friends, do not stop. If you want a boat, another car, etc., buy it now-even if it is a crap version
of it-because it establishes the baseline.
Lastly, about bank accounts, it depends on your values and how good you are with money. I
learned and knew with our 10 dates that money and fi nances are not a strong point for my wife.
She is very good at other things that I will never be good at, but fi nances are my strong point.
For us, it works to have separate accounts. I pay for all the family stuff on one credit card and
she has money to spend on discretionary things that I couldn't care less or want to know about.
My wife never asks me how much we make or where our money goes because she knows that I
am smart with investing it. That is my practical advice.
I will also say that if you want kids, travel hard before kids. Disregard COVID: Just travel.
Once kids come, man, they are great, but life is different. I never knew how much I would enjoy
being a dad till I had my fi rst one. ■
12/23/2021
CanadianInTexas
Member Since: 02/17/06
Post: 76 of 142
I married young-my wife was 19 and I was 21. Happily married for 26 years. Here is some
premarriage advice fi rst. Make sure you want the same things out of life, especially on the big
things: kids, religion, fi nances. If you want fi ve kids and she doesn't want any, or she wants
your family to be involved in church and you are an atheist, or you like to spend more than you
make and she pinches pennies, it might not be a fi t. Take time to talk about where she sees you
guys in 10, 20, 30 years. Is it close to what you see? It won't be exactly the same but if you share
your vision with her, can you meet halfway and both feel good about it? Does she want to keep
working full time when you have kids? What about you? What kind of vacations do you want
to take? This is really preengagement advice, but ask a lot of open-ended questions about the
future and see what she wants and what her expectations are of you. Hopefully you have done
a lot of that before popping the question, but if not, do so now. Most marriages fail because of
one thing: unmet expectations.
My next bit of advice is to be committed to each other and the institution of marriage. If
you see marriage only as a business contract, then you will look at ending it like you would a
business partnership. Many years ago, I heard an interesting study that reported a signifi cantly
higher divorce rate among people who cohabitated before marriage than those who did not.
The researchers found this interesting, and perhaps counterintuitive because you'd think the
people who lived together fi rst would have fewer surprises after marriage. However, what they
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