Central PA Medicine Spring 2018 - 15

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everal years ago, I was evaluating a young woman in her
30s for several complaints that
we ultimately agreed were a
consequence of her obesity. Over the
previous 10 years her weight had more
than doubled, transitioning from a self-described sleek, shaped, muscular build of
140 lbs. to a cumbersome 325 lbs. As we
began to explore how her weight had so
significantly impacted her capacity to
move she declared to me with a paradoxical mix of pride and shame that, "Well,
believe it or not, I used to be an athlete.
In my senior year of high school, I was
awarded 'Tri-County Athlete of the Year.'"

title escapes us? Do we become nothing or
are we then relegated to actually describing
"what we do" in the course of a day? I
personally faced this quandary in the first
years of my marriage when I made the
decision to go back to school to complete
the coursework necessary for application
to medical school. I embarked on this
endeavor 18 months after graduating
from Penn State where I had spent 5 years
studying criminology. It was official; I
was now a "pre-med student"; a title that,
in my mind, declared with certainty that
I would one day be "doctor." Three years
later I had 40 additional science credits
to my name and a pile of medical school

While I was duly impressed by such recognition, what struck me in the moment
was the preceding declarative, "I used to
be an athlete." I very matter-of-factly
replied, "You do realize that you are that
same person, don't you? The muscles that
stretched and flexed, the bones that gave
support, the joints that moved in sequence
and harmony in response to what your eye
saw and your brain gave interpretation
to are all still there! Yes, there has been
change, but the same YOU is still here."
She listened quietly and intently. But it
was only when I said with a celebratory
smile, "You are still that athlete," that
she burst into tears. It was a moment of
rediscovery. In a sense, it represented a
reunion with self. It wasn't my description
of her anatomy and physiology that lead
to this discovery, it was that I had reapplied her most beloved title, athlete; one
thought to be lost for all time. The title
"athlete" provided identity. It identified
that "I am visible, I matter."

SO, MY CHARGE TO
YOU MY FRIENDS IS TO
SEEK NOT TO BE KNOWN
AND VALUED BY A TITLE
ONLY BUT RATHER IN A

We live in an age where value is often
measured by titles. When making a new
acquaintance, it is quite common to be
confronted with the question, "What do
you do?" Most of us quickly recognize
this to be a question that seeks more to
discover WHO we are. Knowing this,
we are often inclined to answer with a
title; I'm a doctor, a teacher, a student,
a salesperson, a mother, an artist, or the
penultimate...I'm retired. But what if a

myself wrestling with shame when facing
the question, "What do you do?" My shame
was rooted in a loss of identity. There was
no title for me... except perhaps failure or
reject. I had forgotten who I was. I had lost
sight of all the things that escape title but
matter most; things that truly delighted
me and could be expressed in the love
and care of others whether I carried the
title "doctor" or not. Slowly, there was
a humble rediscovery of who I was and a
commitment to pursue with patience and
resolve what I felt was the best expression
of that. But this pursuit was not with a
commitment of achieving a title in and of
itself, but rather as an expression of myself
in the context of other greater expressions
as husband-father-son-friend, each of
these then expressed in a myriad of contexts.
Titles wane and are forgotten. Former
Pittsburgh Steeler lineman, Jon Kolb
tells the story of 4x Super Bowl champion quarterback Terry Bradshaw being
approached by a woman in a store years
after his retirement. In her excitement,
she ran up to him exclaiming, "You used
to be Terry Bradshaw!"

So, my charge to you my friends is to
seek not to be known and valued by a
title only but rather in a fuller expression
of who you uniquely are. It was not the
title of "athlete" that made my patient so.
Her rediscovery was that athleticism was a
genuine expression of who she really was
and is. Her delight had previously been
found in precise expressions of movement
with goals towards competitive excellence.
Sports were the context of this expression.
My encouragement to her was to rediscover
rejection letters representing two consec- the joy and freedom and delight found in
utive years of medical school application. movement. To then adventure, explore
I was faced with the question, "who am and discover. This is who she is.
I?" I found myself literally pacing back
and forth in my living room one afterNext time someone asks, "What do you
noon asking myself, "What am I to do?" do?" I encourage you to take the question
Self-examination revealed that this is who as "Who are you?" and answer with pride
I was, this is what I loved, and this is what to think beyond titles of who you used
I wanted to do. But I had 30 letters from to be and who you are now. 
admission committees telling me that I
wasn't who I thought I was. I wasn't good
enough. So, on several occasions I found

FULLER
EXPRESSION
OF WHO YOU
UNIQUELY ARE.

Central PA Medicine Spring 2018 15
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