CPM Summer 2018 - 9

daup h i n c m s .o
.o rg

master gardener, an expert of Czech history, a zoologist
- these are some of the epithets for my patient, C.H.
Despite her illustrious background and colorful hobbies,
she has few things that remain in her life that she relates
as her true self. As a former academic, she prides herself on her
intellect. A self-described intellectual, she thrives on knowledge. Yet
today, she stands as a glioblastoma survivor, with sparse hair that has
grown to look like a messy pixie cut after multiple chemotherapy
sessions. With a snug pair of sweatpants tucked all the way up to
her midriff, she appears to just have woken up from sleep; she looks
as if she no longer cares to dress up for any occasion.

I WAS ABLE TO RELATE
TO MY PATIENT BECAUSE
INTELLECT IS A CORE
VALUE OF MINE AS WELL.

I see a future "me"
in my patient.
Despite her emaciated body, C.H. still retains the sparkle in her
eyes. She spoke about her twenty-something trips to Czechoslovakia
with so much gusto and passion that it made me feel like I was
the sole student in her empty lecture hall. I could only imagine
the energy and devotion to which she dedicated herself to her
studies and research. If I had only seen her at her prime, I would
have instantly idolized her as my mentor in my eager search for
a female role model. I can only imagine the obstacles she had
to go through as a pioneer in the field of biology research. This
thought instantly elicited deep respect for my patient who made
her way as a breadwinner of her family and leading a college
biology department all the while.
C.H. still acts with grace and dignity, even if it means keeping
her essential tremor under the radar. In her mind, she is still the
professor who rose to the ranks of deanship at a research university,
and it is still hard for her to make sense of how she loses herself
in thought these days and gets "confused" so often. After all, she
is a true intellectual. When diagnosed with glioblastoma, she
was dying to ask the oncologist, "Will I be able to present at the
Czech history conference?" Her insatiable drive for knowledge
impressed me and made me all the more appreciative of my
educational opportunities at Penn State Hershey.
I was able to relate to my patient because intellect is a core
value of mine as well. I see a future "me" in my patient. Even after

falling from a shower chair due to sudden weakness and confusion,
would I be able to get up again and still be an "intellect" again?
If I ever had a disorder that impacted my cognitive functioning
as much as a brain tumor, would I be able to accept the new,
confabulated self? Even though my patient did not mention
much about her illness experience, I can picture a similar line
of thought running through the back of her mind, like a quiet
stream of water.
I felt palpable tension in my interaction with C.H., not between us, but between her two selves: the "patient" self and the
"intellectual" self. With my patient, her glioblastoma significantly
compromised her ability to further nurture her intellect. This
brain tumor has shaken the very core of her self-identity. Physical
symptoms aside, she clearly pays utmost attention to her cognitive decline progressing as days go by. Perhaps the changes in
her brain after the tumor removal reduced her inhibition levels;
she accepted our invitation to a videotaped interview, displaying
her bare self, undecorated and simplified. Maybe she is coming
to terms with the "sick" role, or maybe she wants the world to
see how, despite her illness, she can still be the master gardener,
an expert of Czech history, a zoologist. After all, she is a true
intellectual who happened to be on the path of learning to be
a "patient" now.

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TECHNICIAN
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call 1-800-759-2727.

Central PA Medicine Summer 2018 9

http://www.dauphincms.org http://www.centralpenn.edu/phlebotomy

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of CPM Summer 2018