Chester New Matter 1st Quarter 2017 - 12

CCBA Feature

www.chescobar.org
By Barry Rabin, Esquire

The 10 Things
I Least Want
to Hear From a Client
Clients say the darndest things.
So do prospective clients.
In the course of a week at my office, I talk to a whole lot of
people, among them clients, prospective clients, and people
who I pray to God won't become clients (at least not mine).
Rather than bore you with generalities, however, I decided
to sit down and make a list of the Top Ten (okay, Bottom Ten)
things I've had clients (or prospective clients) tell me. These are
things that I really don't want to hear, at least in this lifetime:
1. Do I have to pay tax on this money if you don't know
about it? I love it when clients share with me the fact that
they're thinking about committing tax fraud, and just
wanted to get my blessing (off the record, of course). Guess
what? Thanks to you, I DO know about it!
2. I'll be able to pay you next week. Borrowing a line from
Popeye's sidekick, Wimpy ("I will gladly pay you Tuesday
for a hamburger today..."), some clients want me to show up
in court this week, but say they intend to pay me next week.
I fell for this one in my very first criminal defense case as a
new lawyer, when I was a whole lot more trusting than I am
today. Bottom line: Trust is a wonderful thing (unless you
want to live indoors and eat regularly).
3. I bought this car... A lawyer friend once told me that these
were the four words he least wanted to hear when he picked
up the phone in his office. To which I would add a fifth: I
bought this used car...
4. Will the other side pay my legal fees? Rumor has it that
in the British legal system, the losing party has to pay the

12 | New Matter

prevailing party's legal fees. This is arguably the fair way
of doing things, but unfortunately it's not the American
way. I usually answer sympathetically that no, our system
unfortunately does not work that way. But maybe next time
I'll respond with, "Maybe if you ask them nicely..."
5. Do you take American Express? Credit cards are a fact
of life these days, even in most law firms and doctor's
offices. After all, lots of people don't like to write checks
anymore, and don't carry a lot of cash around. But American
Express takes a much bigger cut than the other credit card
companies do, and for no apparent reason that's helpful to
me. My message to clients who like to use their AmEx card:
Please leave home without it!
6. I want you to put my son's (or daughter's) name on my
house. I get this one from a lot of older clients, who have
been told by someone that they'll "save on taxes" if they add
their son's or daughter's name (or all of their kids' names)
to the deed to their home. I usually recommend against it,
since it can mean, among other things, (a) losing their home
if the adult child gets into debt trouble, or (b) having to pay
inheritance tax on half of their own home if the child dies
first. Want to save your kids from having to pay that huge
(4.5%) PA inheritance tax? Try spending all of your money
before you die!
7. Can I come to you if I have any questions about how to
do this myself? This one usually comes from folks who
don't see knowing nothing about estate law or procedure
as an impediment to doing it themselves anyway. I love it
when the prospective "client" is a restaurant owner, since I
can then ask them if it's okay if I show up at their restaurant
some night with a raw steak and a bag of groceries, and have
them show me what I'm doing wrong while I cook my food.
http://www.chescobar.org
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Chester New Matter 1st Quarter 2017
