Canadian Yachting February 2016 - (Page 146)

CROSSING THE LINE by John Morris Keeping up Appearances Sometime, lurking in the shadows of our lives, we find deeply rooted anxieties we didn't even know we were experiencing. In the current issue of Boating Psychology Quarterly, this tragic topic of boat maintenance envy is explored with surprising candor. Here's a typical tale, only the boat names have been changed to protect the innocent. When Andy and Mandy moored their sloop in the slip beside their new neighbour, Bill's similar boat, they had no idea of the hill they had inadvertently elected to climb. The big question what happens when you take the spot next to the tidiest, best maintained, shiniest boat on the dock? We all have one or two of these owners at the club or marina. While you are reasonably conscientious about cleaning the grunge and spider souvenirs off of your decks, their boat never shows a hint of seagull offerings or anything else. You buff your hull slavishly and even use your Canadian Tire polisher on it in the spring, then one day just before launch you arrive to see his boat, shining so brightly from seven coats of Starbrite or some other new product that works amazingly you need to avert your glance, not just to avoid the glare but also to hide your tears. I got a hint of their crisis last autumn when I saw Mandy, Allen keys in hand flailing at the aluminum frame of their winter cover. She was in tears. "He had his tarp up for two weeks already. Not only that, but he's ironed it..." Over a cup of herbal tea, the couple recounted their sad, cautionary tale. While the weather had been stunning, their summer had been hell. Not only had their next-slip neighbour's topsides and deck gleamed for four straight months, they had never seen him attending to them. Inevitably his boat, Call me Caitlin, shone like the cover model, all without any apparent effort. Every weekend, Bill's cockpit was filled with ebullient family and friends. They'd happily cast off the immaculate dock lines and go for a leisurely sail. No matter what the seas, 146 Canadian Yachting Caitlin returned with sails crisply folded, sail cover pressed and tidy and the bright white fenders aligned parallel on the portside stanchions. Occasionally Bill would cheerfully bring out his deck brush on a July afternoon. Andy would bring out his, then Mandy subtly brought out a second one. Bill foamed up his brush; they foamed up two and added special stain remover products. He whistled as he worked for ten minutes - they scrubbed furiously for the entire afternoon, faces reddened and biceps screaming from exertion. Perhaps he had caught on and was secretly plotting to drive them to an institution. But that wouldn't be Bill - he was as easy going as they come and that infuriated Andy and Mandy even more. I ran into them again at the Dock Shoppe last week where they had purchased a staggering load of just-introduced new cleaning products as well as a set of colour coded deck scrubbers in a range of 12 abrasive levels. They showed me their Ultro magnetic glass cleaner which they custom ordered from Hangzhou Huiji Biotechnology Co., Ltd. in Shanghai, even though the minimum order was 2,000 bottles. "We will not be outcleaned." As spring races toward us on the horizon, we are all readying for the season. No one is working harder than Andy and Mandy who are committed to having the shiniest boat on theirs or any other dock. To all of you who share their dedication at whatever level of manageability, I wish you a joyous spring and an anxiety free polishing season. And by the way, I saw that Bill's boat is already prepped for launch but he was aboard, enjoying an early warm Sunday while lightly polishing the stainless on his stern rail with a Q-tip and bopping to Willy Nelson on his spotless Sony blaster. * february 2016

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Canadian Yachting February 2016

Vantage Point: “They” are Looking after our Boating Environment
Waterfront: Boat Shows, Waterkeepers, and more…
Environment Feature: Plastic Pickup in Paradise - The beaches on Haida Gwaii have always been a magnet for the flotsam and jetsam that circles the Pacific. This recount of what has washed ashore and in what quantities may shock you. By Linda Leitch
Club Profile: Royal Vancouver Yacht Club
Galley Guys: On the Loose in Holland
Destination: Exploring the Lower Ottawa River by PWC - Follow the author and his Sea-Doo as he follows this historic trading route, part of a navigable waterway triangle formed in far Eastern Ontario with the St. Lawrence River on its southern side and the famous Rideau Canal on its west. By Craig Nicholson
Feature: Dark ‘n Stormy – Gosling’s Rum and Bermuda - Family owned Gosling’s is the oldest business in Bermuda. Learn its history and how it is integral to the tapestry of the rich Bermudian culture. By Margaret Swaine
CPS Port Hole
Destination: Lake Superior Cruise - A vivid description of this almost mystic five day cruise on the mightiest of our Great Lakes. By Mark Stevens and Sharon Matthews-Stevens
Sail Review: Jeanneau 54
Power Reviews: Azimut 55S and Cruisers Cantius 60
Electronics: Yacht Controller -Can this tech upgrade give your existing boat the functional equivalent of joystick docking? We talk to the creator of Yacht Controller and a Torontobased tech who has installed one. By Andy Adams
Fitness Feature: Fitness On Board Part 2 - Part 2 of our fitness features focusses on arm and leg strengthening exercises using your own body weight, on board your boat, any boat. By Terri Hodgson and Lisa Mavrou
Crossing the Line: Upkeep Wars

Canadian Yachting February 2016