Recording - February 2021 - 69

Continued from page 66
But what it's really about is that negative force
that I call Resistance-with a capital R-that
[thing] that made me drop out of the middle
class was resistance when I couldn't finish the
first book I wrote. That demon came up and
sabotaged me, and I was completely unaware,
no clue. All I knew was suddenly I'm cheating on
my wife, and the next thing I know everything is
gone.
So, for the longest period through that time
when I was on the road traveling, I was very
much aware that I had this tendency to sabotage
myself, that I would just at the moment, in anything... At the time I was driving trucks, I didn't
get in any wrecks, any crashes, but I constantly
did these things; it was like to get me fired or to
blow things up.

out and spend another two years writing a book
that nobody's gonna want? I should just do this.
I should take the job. " Sometimes I'd have a girlfriend, I'd have a wife that I was gonna leave,
and I could never do it. I always kind of said
that I've just got to keep trying to do what I
think I can do. Because if I don't, on a day-today level I was just so depressed. When I would
come home, I would just be in absolute despair
of writing this stuff that I was writing or doing
the wasted stuff that I was doing. So that's kind
of what kept me going through this.

just write a book, and just kind of be in a little
house by myself, just working, working, working, even though from my family's point of view,
they were in despair for me that I was just
insane. But for me, I was learning. I would write
all day; I would read all night. I'm sure
musicians are just like this. You're playing Schumann or whatever, and it feeds you. You know,
you're doing your art; you're operating from
your heart; you're learning. You might be at a
very low level, but you are learning. So, it wasn't
all bad. A lot of it was good, and it was fun!

The other sort of thing... This may be a question
you want to ask me, Michael. But through that
long period, there were a lot of times that I was
succeeding, even though I wasn't making any
money. Like when I would take two years and

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" I've just got to keep trying to do
what I think I can do. Because if I
don't, on a day-to-day level I was just
so depressed. "
-Steven Pressfield
So that's what this was kind of all about
throughout the whole thing-that whole story
that I just told you. And I'm sure that people
who are trying to write music, trying to make a
career in music, must have that over and over
again. You have women, you have drugs, you
have booze, you have being on the road, you
have opportunities to sell out and do some
shitty thing that you don't really believe in.
Just to go back to one thing, Michael. This
period of mine two or three times I went back
and I worked at ad agencies because I could
make money and I could save it to write a book.
And inevitably what would happen, I would go
into my boss to quit, and I'd say, " I'm gonna go
write a book. " And they would say to me, " Don't

" I would write all day; I would read
all night. I'm sure musicians are just
like this. You're playing Schumann or
whatever, and it feeds you. You know,
you're doing your art; you're operating from your heart; you're learning. "
-Steven Pressfield
throw your life away. We love you here. You're
doing great work. We'll promote you; we'll give
you an office; we'll give you a raise. " Whatever it
is. And I would go home in a state of hysteria
thinking that " they're right. Why do I want to go
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Recording - February 2021

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