The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 81

Do Unto Others
As They Want
To Be Done Unto
BY LINDA LARSEN, CSP, CPAE

M

ost writers would tell you that the hardest part
of writing is actually getting started, and I am
no exception. When I have a deadline and absolutely have to write an article, it's astonishing to

me how many chores I can think of that absolutely, positively
HAVE to be done right then. And since my office is in my home,
I am constantly surrounded by projects that scream to be done
immediately! Like dusting the tops of the ceiling fans, or wallpapering the bathroom, or painting my dog's toenails. You think
I'm kidding. I wish I was...
But the other day, I broke through all
the distractions, closed my office door,
hunkered down and started writing an
article that was due in two days. And
it was going great. I was on a roll. The
ideas were flowing and the words were
tumbling out and I was rocking the
Casbah. And then it happened.
Suddenly the door to my office
flew open and my husband popped
his head in and abruptly said, "I need
your help." He then slammed the door
and left.
Wait. What? Excuse me! I'm working
here! I wouldn't just bust into HIS workplace and yell, "I need your help" and
walk away! Grrrrr. I actually debated
going in to see what he wanted, but,
well, it did seem important.
Begrudgingly I got up and followed
him to where he was working on the
other side of the house. And yes, I
could see that he needed me to hold a

door frame in place while he secured
it to the wall, so I did what he asked.
When he was finished, he flatly said,
"Okay, thanks."
I took a deep breath, calmly looked
at him and said, "John, when you burst
into my office and blurt out, 'I need
your help,' and then abruptly leave, it's
extremely disruptive and feels inconsiderate to me. It's almost as if you don't
respect the fact that I'm working. In the
future, I need you to gently walk in the
room and ask for what you need in a
specific way. I need you to say, 'Linda,
I know you're busy, but if it's not too
much trouble could you come now and
help me with something? It's important.'
If you do that, I'll happily come help."
He hesitated. He didn't look happy,
but he said okay. I went back to my
office and while it took me a while to
get back in the groove, believe it or not,
it happened again.

About 15 minutes later he slammed
into my office again and curtly said,
"Okay. I can do that. I can ask you
like that. But when YOU need MY
help, there's a particular way I want
YOU to ask ME! I want you to walk
into my office and immediately say,
'I need your help.' Period. If you start
saying things like, 'Honey, I know
you're busy, but when you get the
chance, if it's not too much trouble, I
would really appreciate it and be forever in your debt if...' it will make my
head explode!"
I laughed out loud. And - I got it. It
wasn't that either of us was right or
wrong in our communication style, it
was that we didn't consider what the
other person would want or need in
order to get heard. Men and women
simply communicate differently. And
we would be well-served to find out
what the preferred communication
style is of the other person and adjust
how we present our needs.
The moral of the story is this:
When on Mars, speak like a Martian,
and when on Venus, speak like a
Venetian.
Linda Larsen, CPAE Hall of Fame
Keynote Speaker® is passionately committed to helping women communicate
effectively, think creatively, and bring
the best versions of themselves to life
every day. She has spoken at over 1,000
events worldwide for groups like eBay
Europe Women's Leadership, Kuwait
Women's Leadership Summit and
FedEx Women's Symposium. She will
be the keynote speaker at our Women
in Industry Conference. You can find out
more about her at www.lindalarsen.com
The MHEDA Journal | Fourth Quarter 2 017

81


http://www.lindalarsen.com

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017

Chairman’s Perspective
From the Desk of Liz Richards
Editor’s Note
Ask A MHEDANET GROUP
Women in Industry Conference
MHEDA MEMBER PROFILE
@WORK
WOMEN IN INDUSTRY
INDUSTRY PULSE
2018 CRITICAL IMPACT FACTORS
DEFINING MHEDA’S 2018 CRITICAL IMPACT FACTORS
SALES SUCCESS STORIES
ESOP ROUND TABLE
FROM CHARASMATIC PERSUADER TO KNOWLEDGE BROKER: THE EVOLVING WORLD OF SALES
49 EMPLOYEE ENGAGEMENT IDEAS
DO UNTO OTHERS AS THEY WANT TO BE DONE UNTO
THE PRESIDENT’S EXECUTIVE ORDER 13789 AND ITS FUTURE EFFECT ON THE TAX CODE
New Members
Spotlight on Association News
MHEDA Milestones
Index to Advertisers by Product Category
Index to Advertisers by Alphabetical Order
The Last Word
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - intro
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - cover1
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - cover2
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 3
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 4
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 5
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 6
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 7
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 8
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 9
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 10
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - Chairman’s Perspective
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 12
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - From the Desk of Liz Richards
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 14
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - Editor’s Note
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 16
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - Ask A MHEDANET GROUP
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 18
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 19
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - Women in Industry Conference
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 21
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - MHEDA MEMBER PROFILE
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 23
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 24
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 25
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 26
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - @WORK
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 28
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - WOMEN IN INDUSTRY
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - INDUSTRY PULSE
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 31
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 32
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 2018 CRITICAL IMPACT FACTORS
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - DEFINING MHEDA’S 2018 CRITICAL IMPACT FACTORS
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 35
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 36
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 37
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - SALES SUCCESS STORIES
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 39
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 40
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 41
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 42
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 43
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 44
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 45
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 46
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 47
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 48
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 49
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 50
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 51
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 52
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 53
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 54
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 55
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - ESOP ROUND TABLE
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 57
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 58
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 59
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - FROM CHARASMATIC PERSUADER TO KNOWLEDGE BROKER: THE EVOLVING WORLD OF SALES
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 61
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 62
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 63
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 64
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 65
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 49 EMPLOYEE ENGAGEMENT IDEAS
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 67
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 68
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 69
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 70
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 71
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 72
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 73
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 74
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 75
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 76
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 77
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 78
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 79
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 80
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - DO UNTO OTHERS AS THEY WANT TO BE DONE UNTO
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 82
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - THE PRESIDENT’S EXECUTIVE ORDER 13789 AND ITS FUTURE EFFECT ON THE TAX CODE
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 84
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 85
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 86
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - New Members
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - Spotlight on Association News
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 89
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 90
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 91
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - MHEDA Milestones
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 93
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - Index to Advertisers by Product Category
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 95
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - Index to Advertisers by Alphabetical Order
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - 97
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - The Last Word
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - cover3
The MHEDA Journal - Fourth Quarter, 2017 - cover4
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