Flight Training - March/April 2020 - 42

WHY ARE YOU SO
EMBARRASSED?
So, what is embarrassment and why did it evolve? What good
does it do? Psychologists believe that embarrassment evolved
to maintain social order, since by being embarrassed, people
communicate to others that they recognize they've violated some
social norm or rule. Embarrassment also serves as an apology
and indicates that the person is bothered by the act and will try
not to let it happen again. Therefore, embarrassment requires an
audience; you don't get embarrassed when you're alone.
Additionally, psychological studies indicate that people are
more embarrassed in front of their own social group and less
with outsiders. Pilots are more likely to dread making a bad
landing in front of other pilots than a bunch of accountants.
There's good news for the embarrassed: Psychologists
found that people who display greater outward signs of embarrassment were kinder and more generous, and others perceived
them as likable and trustworthy, and wanted to associate with
them. For pilots, we want to associate with those who abide by
good flying etiquette and are considerate of others, our aviation
social norms.
FUHGEDDABOUDIT

When we've failed, it's difficult to just "fuhgeddaboudit," as
they say in "Joysey." I remember a particularly gusty crosswind
day when I made two go-arounds while a pilot friend watched
and waited to give me a ride home. I knew in my brain that I
did everything right; the wind was gusting so strongly that my
Super Cub was at the limit of its crosswind component. I flew
competently, was on speed and aim point, but the gusty winds
just wouldn't let the light aircraft touch down. The correct,
smart, safe thing to do was to go around. I knew it and my
pilot friend knew it, so why do I keep thinking about how I
"botched" those landings? I did everything right.
For those pilots who remember every substandard landing
they've ever made, Mary C. Lamia, a clinical psychologist and
author, recommends, "Step back from your embarrassment
and imagine how reliving the event over and over again in your
mind can affect how you feel, the way in which you behave
publicly, and your general mood. Likely it won't be a positive
effect. Hanging on to your embarrassing mistakes can diminish
your self-esteem and how you think of yourself generally. You
are not your mistakes, but, instead, your mistakes can help you
learn and grow."
CAN YOU FUHGEDDABOUDIT?

Mentally reviewing any flying incidents or accidents, real or
imagined, minor to serious, can be helpful. However, dwelling on the past can also increase the pressure to perform and
revive the embarrassment you felt. Don't beat yourself up
mentally for something you did, whether it was stumbling over
a radio transmission or busting up an airplane on landing.
It takes practice and great effort to stop ruminating on an
incident, but you'll feel much better if you let the embarrassment go. Be conscious of when you start replaying events in
42  FLIGHT TRAINING MARCH/APRIL 2020
Flight Training - March/April 2020

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